Category Archives: Ego

Comparing self to others

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Do we benefit or lose when we compare ourselves to others? Is it good to compare to get a better sense of self or does that act simply push us further away from self [and others]?

  • We compare what we are not… I’m not strong enough. I’m not smart enough. I’m not pretty enough. I’m not skinny enough. 
  • We compare what we don’t have… I don’t have a car. I don’t have an outlet. I don’t have a good job. I don’t have a significant other. I don’t have friends. I don’t have energy. 
  • We compare where we are not… I’m not as successful as my peers. I don’t have a place of my own. I am not where I predicted I’d be at this point in my life.
  • We compare our present to our past… Life was easier. I was healthier. I could run for miles. I could eat anything and not gain a pound. I was happier. Growing up sucks.

Any type of comparison is negative – it builds, defends, or hurts the Ego. You are not your Ego… the Ego is a part of you and it’s good to know when you are calling the shots and when your Ego takes charge. The Ego is a culmination of expectations, assumptions, judgements, predictions, and shameful events of the past. The Ego can protect us, but it can also blind us. Even those comparisons where we label ourselves above self and others – I am stronger, I am smarter, I am healthier, I am prettier – are all ego-boosting judgements and don’t really help anything in the long run. To think that you are better than someone else or better than your past self pushes you further away from a true reality – we are all equals and you are equal to your past self because it is a part of who you are, not who you aren’t.

  • Are you able to accept yourself the way that you are? If not, why?
  • Are you able to not judge, not assume, not expect, not predict, and not shame self or others? If not, why? Can you take note of when you do and why that occurs?
  • Are you able to be happy regardless of who, where, or what you are? If not, why?
  • How do you define happy? What makes you unhappy? What isn’t enough? What are you lacking? What are you comparing? Why are you comparing?

It’s good to take perspective on yourself and others. It’s good to know who, what, and where you are not, but that should not define who you are. We all grow, evolve, and mature at different rates, times, and ages. Don’t let your Ego prevent you or your perspective of others from being.

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Don’t ever say that you can’t

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Can’t is temporary.

I’ve fallen victim to “can’t.” I’m sure we all have at some point. It’s hard to see the big picture when we limit ourselves to what was or what isn’t.

We must focus on what we can do as necessary steps towards what we truly desire. The man in the above video could not walk unassisted, he could not touch his feet, he could not fit into smaller clothes, he could not be happy with himself, he self-sabotaged with food and believed his limits were factual. His perspective shift didn’t happen over night, but he found a way to inspire and love himself through the inspiration and love of others. He focused on what he could do (or was capable of) in the present moment. He took small steps to better himself and to be happy with himself. He didn’t give himself a time limit. He didn’t place unrealistic expectations. I’m sure he experienced set backs and frustrations, but he focused on the big picture and not what he was temporarily experiencing.

Do not doubt yourself or others. Always give the benefit.

Believe and have faith in yourself. Believe and have faith in others.

We can truly do anything.

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How did I get here?

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Have you ever traced back all of your good and bad experiences from your earliest memories? 
Your accomplishments? 
Your setbacks? 
Your happiness? 
Your pain?

We are all taught to work hard for our future and to not live in the past. While I agree with that mindset, I feel as though it can be interpreted as too exact and leave much room to lead an unfulfilling life…

How can we know where we are going when we may not even know, understand, nor appreciate how we got here?

Have you ever set aside time and patience to truly understand how you have gotten to the place where you are today? “The place” as in your personality, your reactions, your actions, your beliefs, your self-view, your wants, your needs, your habits, your addictions, your likes, your dislikes, your emotional state, your mental state, your physical state, your digestive state, your stress, your maturity, your friends, your family, your relationships, your location, your job, your school, and so on.

While reflecting and appreciating are necessary steps, the real magic happens when we revisit our past and take full responsibility for our experiences.

It’s obviously much easier to take responsibility for our good accomplishments, for our positive achievements, for our good deeds, for our beneficial reactions… but what about for our poor accomplishments, for our negative achievements, for our bad deeds, for our selfish reactions?

When something good happens because of our conscious efforts we are the first to step up and claim our prize – promoting that we did “it” happen rather than “it” happening to us. Why can’t we do the same when we experience, accomplish, or encourage a negative outcome? Why, when we experience a negative, do we find ourselves asking “why did this happen to me?”

In every single situation we must take responsibility for what happened, how it happened, how we reacted or encouraged that happening, and how we shared in a part of that happening. While much of what occurs is at the power of a greater reality, we also have the power to influence our own reality.

Everything that we pride ourselves on and everything that we are running away from can be better understood by taking ownership of our lives.

Only when we take responsibility for our experiences can we truly learn about who we are and how we came to be.

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Define: Addiction

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  • Addiction is a form of control, but what leads to that control?
  • Addiction is a symptom to an underlying cause, so we must define our true pain that we are suppressing or escaping.
  • On the outside, addiction involves reflective escapes – food, drugs, alcohol, sex, anger, depression, exercise, etc.
  • Deep down, addiction involves an escape from self – self-shame, self-sabotage, a lack of self-responsibility, a lack of self-awareness, and, ultimately, a lack of self-love.
  • We can overcome addiction when we become aware of what we are escaping and take responsibility for our actions.
  • We can overcome addiction when we see the value in what releasing that addiction can bring.
  • We can overcome addiction when we stop running away from ourselves, others, and our self-made problems, boundaries, expectations, boarders, shames, pains, or walls.
  • Addiction is an external attempt to find internal love.

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The Secret to Life: How to Lose Weight, Gain Muscle, and Get Healthy Now!

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The Secret to Life! How to Lose Weight, Gain Muscle, and Get Healthy now!

Here it is! The answer everyone is looking for: How to Get Healthy and Stay Healthy in three easy steps!

Sound too good to be true? It’s not!

No hype.
No bull.
No marketing campaign.
No diet or detox miracle.
You don’t have to take any pills.
You don’t have to take any drugs.
You don’t have to starve yourself for weeks.
You don’t have to go from one diet craze to the next.
You don’t have to drink protein shake after protein shake.
You don’t have to weigh your food or weigh yourself every day.
You don’t have to run miles upon miles and do sit up after sit up.

Want to know how the heck you can get healthy starting right now?

L. F. B.

  • Love yourself.
  • Forgive yourself.
  • Be happy with yourself.

L. F. B.

Why do we become sick in the first place?
Why do we become sad?
Why do we eat too much?
Why do we not eat enough?
Why do we go from diet to diet?
Why do we go from exercise to exercise?
Why do we burn the wick at both ends?
Why do we believe that a fit body means a healthy body?
Why, now more than ever, is the United States becoming so unhealthy despite all of the diets, studies, and supplements available that apparently promote health?
Why, no matter what we do, can we not seem to get healthy?

  • Health comes when we take responsibility for our lives, our choices, and how we experience life.
  • Health comes when we are aware of why we may be unhealthy.
  • Health comes when we understand what it means to be healthy by questioning everything and listening to hour body.
  • Health comes when we have respect for ourselves, our body, and the food that we choose to become part of our body – our life.
  • Health comes when we balance our life’s wants and needs.
  • Health comes when we let down our ego and open up our heart.
  • Health comes when we provide a healthy external environment to reflect our internal environment.
  • Health comes when we do not place unrealistic expectations upon ourselves, others, or our experiences.
  • Health comes when we forgive our past so we can be present in the now and work towards hour future.
  • Health comes when we stop self-sabotaging.
  • Health comes when we are not ashamed of who we are on the outside because we accept ourselves on the inside.
  • Health comes when we accept who we are, and how we came to be.
  • Health comes when we do not compare ourselves to others.
  • Health comes when we understand that we are doing our very best in every moment and that no moment is ever wrong nor a mistake.
  • Health comes when you Love yourself.
  • Health comes when you Forgive yourself.
  • Health comes when you Be happy with yourself.

L. F. B.

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Self-Destruction

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  • Why do we self-destruct?
  • Why do we cause ourselves more pain?
  • Why do we run away, bury, or hide in chaos?
  • Why do we not take self-responsibility and trade it for self-negligence?
  • Why do we not realize the immense pain we are causing ourselves by creating more pain?
  • Why do we build walls between ourselves and our surroundings to feel more protected when it only creates loneliness and fear?
  • Why do we turn to outer escapes to temporarily fill an inner void?
  • How did that void appear in the first place?

 What is necessary to be indestructible?

  • Self-responsibility
  • Self-awareness
  • Self-acceptance
  • Self-love
  • Self-trust
  • Self-fulfillment

Self-responsibility is important to understand why and how we experience life, but that responsibility can only come through awareness, acceptance, love, trust and fulfillment of self.

 1) Become aware of the cause – actions and reactions are symptoms

  • Take time to reflect on the possibility of self-unhappiness – Am I truly happy?
  • Take time to understand why self-unhappiness may exist – What makes me unhappy? 
  • Take time to revisit where and when self-unhappiness began – What are the first memories of my unhappiness – the root cause?
  • Take time to realize what are the symptoms of that cause – Actions, reactions, habits, personality, attitude, hurting, inflicting, neglecting, sabotaging, drowning, abandoning, excuses, avoiding, controlling, and selfishness to name a few.
  • Take time to see where that unhappiness has lead or built a path to present day – How did I get here?

2) Accept [and be grateful for] the past because it has shaped the present

  • Appreciate taking the time to reflect, understand, revisit, realize, and see the root cause – this is not always an easy first step.
  • Appreciate good and bad past experiences because today’s world would not exist without yesterday’s construction and destruction.
  • Appreciate the bad so it can be learned from and turned into good.
  • Appreciate all flaws, mistakes, imperfections, actions, reactions, judgements, assumptions, pains, shames, walls, and escapes as a part of self – I didn’t know any other way (this is all I knew how to do) and I did the best that I could at that time.

3) Unconditionally love self as a perfect culmination of the past and a desire of future

  • Forgiveness of self and others is an important step towards self-love
  • Love self of the past to love self of the present to be self of the future
  • Life is perfect because it occurs as it is intended - I am perfect.
  • Love can only be found within self. - An outside acceptance of love will come when an inside acceptance of love exists.
  • Give what is willing to be received. Receive what is willing to be given. – Karma.

4) Trust in self

  • Be open and honest with self.
  • Trust in self-love – My love is enough.
  • Trust that exists on the inside will attract trust that exists on the outside.
  • Trust and love in self are necessary to find trust and love in others.

5) Fulfill self – The effect of the cause

  • Awareness, Acceptance, Unconditional Love and Trust are the foundation of Self-fulfillment.
  • Self-happiness will come when it exists within.

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Question: Healing the past and regrets?

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Do you have any advice for moving past something you regret? This situation is so stupid, but despite knowing for years that I can do nothing to change it, I still fret over it.

Perspective:

No situation is ever “stupid” (“wrong” or a “mistake”). That is your judgment and opinion of yourself – be kind! It’s easy to get caught up in self-shame because it makes the “pain” seem less bearable (“I’ll put myself down so no one else will”), but you are only creating more pain in the end. It’s Ok – this is a part of the learning, growing, and healing process.

Whatever the situation or moment in the past, at that time you did the very best that you could and it was exactly what you “wanted.” Obviously, you have grown emotionally and mentally since that occurrence and now you have the perspective, “if I could do it over again, I’d do it better.” What’s wrong with that? I think it is better to realize that you could have done things differently rather than being completely unaware of how you came to be. Appreciate self for reflecting on the past and understanding that you have grown. It’s not easy to revisit regrets, but it is a step towards self-awareness and self-discovery.

If the situation involved others, consider that they, too, did the very best that they could and may have a different way of acting/reacting to an experience. Your experience of yourself is unique, your experience of someone else is unique, their experience of themselves is unique, and their experience of you is unique. It’s easy to get caught up in right and wrong when everyone has a different definition of those two ego-driven words. Also, just as you had certain reasons for your actions/reactions, so did that other person…

  • Appreciate them for being a part of your experience.
  • Appreciate them for providing an opportunity for self-growth and self-awareness.
  • Appreciate them for sharing a moment in your life.

Take responsibility for your past self and your past experiences. You can only “blame” yourself. Yes, another person may have had an influence on your situation, but you are the only one who determines how you react/act to an experience. By taking responsibility for your past you can allow an acceptance, a forgiveness, and an understanding of who you are today.

Take time to understand and forgive the situation – then and now. The longer the situation goes unaddressed (is run away from), the longer it will be a factor (influence present day). That’s not to say dwell on it, but it is important to take time, emotion, and effort to reflect on the past so you can move on in the present.

Write down your experience of the situation. Our thoughts and emotions are real, but it may help to make them physically real by putting a pen to paper…

  • What happened?
  • When did it happen?
  • How did I feel before it happened?
  • How did I feel when it happened?
  • How did I feel after it happened?
  • Why do I think it happened?
  • Why did I react or act the way that I did?
  • Was this situation a symptom/result of a larger personal issue/cause?
  • What is the root cause/issue of my reaction or action?
  • What were my assumptions and judgements of the situation then?
  • What are my assumptions and judgments of the situation now?
  • What is the true situation? Not just my truth.
  • What can I learn from my past experience?
  • How much does my past experience affect my present day? (thinking about it and/or running away from it)
  • Why does it affect me?
  • What will it take for me to be happy now?
  • Can I forgive others in the situation?
  • Can I forgive myself?
  • Can I appreciate and be thankful for my experience?

There is a progression in healing old wounds. Be open to that progression. Be open to your feelings, your thoughts, and your emotions. Take time and make an effort to understand why they exist. Take responsibility for yourself and only yourself. Forgive yourself and forgive others. Appreciate your experiences then and now because you wouldn’t be who you are today without them.

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What is Ego?

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  • The Ego is the opposite of your real Self.
  • The Ego is not you.
  • The Ego is the deception created by the society so that you can go on playing with the toy and never ask about the real thing.
  • Unless you drop the Ego, you’ll never come to know your true Self.
  • When you were born you had your authentic Self then [society] started creating a false Self.
    • You are Christian. You are Catholic. You are white. You are black. You are German. You are Irish. You are the chosen race of God. You are supposed to rule over the world. 
  • [Society] creates a false idea of who you are – they give you a name and around the name they create ambitions, conditionings, and rules to bind by.
  • It takes 1/3 of your life working on your Ego – school.
  • By the time you come back from University you have forgotten your innocent being – you are now a very big Ego – “now, you are ready to go into the world” as if the world doesn’t being when we are born.
    • This Ego has all the desires and ambitions. It wants to always be on the top of everything. It never allows you even a glimpse of your real, authentic Self.
  • The Ego only produces misery, suffering, fighting, frustration, madness, martyrdom, crime, loneliness, running, pushing, confusion, misunderstanding, selfishness.
  • A seeker of truth has to begin from this very point – whatever you have been told by society must be discarded.
  • Nobody can know who you are except for yourself – not your parents, teachers, priests, friends, or loved ones.
  • Except for yourself, nobody can enter in the privacy of your Being.
  • Nobody knows about you – whatever is said is all wrong – put it aside.
  • Dismantle the Ego – in destroying the Ego you will discover your Being.
  • The discovery of your Being is the greatest discovery possible – it starts a totally new pilgrammage towards ultimate bliss, towards eternal life.
  • You can choose frustration, suffering, misery – go on holding the Ego, nursing it.
  • Choose silence and bliss, and recover your innocence.

[via]

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Question: Communication?

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I received this question tonight (Thursday, the 26th) and since it seems like a time-is-of-the-essence situation, I decided to push back my other queued posts and give this Friday’s spotlight…

What would you do if you had a very irresponsible, self-centered roommate? One that does not take his/her part in chores and cleaning. It is almost the end of the semester and we have not spoken for quite a long time now, mostly because of this behavior. Is it too late to say something? I know I should’ve said something earlier, but you know, life happens and now we’re getting ready to leave.

Perspective:

Irresponsibility or self-ceneteredness are merely symptoms of a bigger cause… and those are only your experiences of your roommate – not the definition of your roommate. It is unfair of you to label your roommate just based on your experience of him/her without knowing his/her true self or personal battles. Yes, it is also unfair to you if they are being selfish and do not contribute to the understood equal partnership of living together, but consider that he/she may have a very good personal reason as to why they only seem to care about themselves, why they are introverted, or why they have placed barriers between themselves and the world around them.

What’s the true issue here?

Communication… or a lack thereof.

Communication is an important part of any relationship.

Communication can provide a continuous exchange of ideas, thoughts, feelings, emotions, wants, and needs – that exchange is positive. You will not always agree with one another, but the experience of talking will encourage you to understand one another and move forward to better the relationship.

Silence can encourage barriers, [unrealistic] expectations, assumptions, judgements, and can bring a negative energy to a relationship (or even a room).

You are experiencing a misunderstanding and the best way to understand one another is to talk. I don’t necessarily mean to talk about it, but to just… talk.

The chores are a symptom of a bigger cause of not talking to one another or misunderstanding one another.

  • Lead by example.
  • Create small talk.
  • Show him/her your trust, your openness, your friendliness, your forgiveness, and your acceptance by merely taking an interest in their life, sharing experiences of your own life, and encouraging them to be a part of yours.
  • Be friendly, not over-bearing.
  • Be patient, not pushy.
  • Be open, not expecting.
  • Trust that what you give you will receive in return.
  • Walls will never exist in a relationship if no one has a reason to build them.

After some time, if your roommate does not want to communicate nor involve themselves in genuine, open conversation then I would suggest that you move on with your efforts. It may be hard, but it’ll be for the best. Everyone is traveling along on their own path and on their own time doing the best that they can, and sometimes we just have to leave people to be and do things their way. We can only hope that those who are lost amongst their inner battles will come around to find themselves one day.

All that you can ask of yourself is that you do your best and that you are genuine.

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