I often feel like I’m not good at anything – nothing I do is ever good enough for anyone’s standards, including my own. How can I stop this negative thinking?
Well, this seems to mainly be a matter of your own approval. While others can influence or sway your judgement, you are making the decisions are the end of the day – not anyone else. I wouldn’t necessarily classify it as “negative thinking,” rather “influenced thinking.” Try not to think negatively of your decisions because it’ll only manifest into more negativity. By taking a positive perspective on your thoughts, beliefs, actions, and reactions it can help you define what is “real” and what can be changed for the better. Always learn from the negatives by shifting them into positives.
Here are a few questions that may open some doors…
- Define: “good enough”
- Why do others have an influence on your decisions?
- Define which people have an influence on your decisions (usually this is a family member or a peer whom you look up to) and why you allow them to hold such an influence.
- What’s more important: Making yourself happy or making others happy?
- Are you more upset with others for influencing or with yourself for allowing an influence (the true reality)?
- Do you lack confidence in your own decisions? If so, why?
- Do you disapprove of yourself? If so, why?
- Trace back in your past to when and why this started happening. This will help define the cause – the “influenced thinking” is a symptom.
Self-approval can only be achieved through valuing and confiding in self – not through neglecting self, not through pleasing others, and not through appeasing others.