Category Archives: growth

Question: Nothing I do is ever good enough

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I often feel like I’m not good at anything – nothing I do is ever good enough for anyone’s standards, including my own. How can I stop this negative thinking?

Perspective:

Well, this seems to mainly be a matter of your own approval. While others can influence or sway your judgement, you are making the decisions are the end of the day – not anyone else. I wouldn’t necessarily classify it as “negative thinking,” rather “influenced thinking.” Try not to think negatively of your decisions because it’ll only manifest into more negativity. By taking a positive perspective on your thoughts, beliefs, actions, and reactions it can help you define what is “real” and what can be changed for the better. Always learn from the negatives by shifting them into positives.

Here are a few questions that may open some doors…

  • Define: “good enough”
  • Why do others have an influence on your decisions?
  • Define which people have an influence on your decisions (usually this is a family member or a peer whom you look up to) and why you allow them to hold such an influence.
  • What’s more important: Making yourself happy or making others happy?
  • Are you more upset with others for influencing or with yourself for allowing an influence (the true reality)?
  • Do you lack confidence in your own decisions? If so, why?
  • Do you disapprove of yourself? If so, why?
  • Trace back in your past to when and why this started happening. This will help define the cause – the “influenced thinking” is a symptom.

Self-approval can only be achieved through valuing and confiding in self – not through neglecting self, not through pleasing others, and not through appeasing others.

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Can an Ancient Chinese text still hold water?

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Tao Te Ching – Chapters 8-10

The supreme good is like water,
which nourishes all things without trying to.
It is content with the low places that people disdain.
Thus it is like the Tao.

In dwelling, live close to the ground.
In thinking, keep to the simple.
In conflict, be fair and generous.
In governing, don’t try to control.
In work, do what you enjoy.
In family life, be completely present.

When you are content to be simply yourself
and don’t compare or compete,
everybody will respect you.

Fill your bowl to the brim
and it will spill.
Keep sharpening your knife
and it will blunt.
Chase after money and security
and your heart will never unclench.
Care about people’s approval
and you will be their prisoner.
Do your work, then step back.
The only path to serenity.

Can you coax your mind from its wandering
and keep to the original oneness?
Can you let your body become
supple as a newborn child’s?
Can you cleanse your inner vision
until you see nothing but the light?
Can you love people and lead them
without imposing your will?
Can you deal with the most vital matters
by letting events take their course?
Can you step back from you own mind
and thus understand all things?

Giving birth and nourishing,
having without possessing,
acting with no expectations,
leading and not trying to control:
this is the supreme virtue.

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What if the world ended tomorrow?

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This is my end-of-the-world-fantasy-for-example’s-sake so let’s get cracking…

What if the world ended tomorrow?

The end will be peaceful. No meteor collisions, no volcanic eruptions, no tsunamis, and no earthquakes. It will be a quiet end that every single person will be completely aware of its inevitability – here one minute and gone the next.

What would you do for the remaining 24 hours of your life? 

  • Would you love or hate?
  • Would you appreciate or neglect?
  • Would you forgive or forget?
  • Would you accept or deny?
  • Who would you spend your final time with?
  • Who would you reach out to and what would you say?
  • What would you say to others?
  • What would you say to yourself?

Why do we have to wait until the end to love, appreciate, forgive, accept, spend time with loved ones, reach out to others who’ve had an impact, and to have a heart-felt conversation with self?

Last week, I came across a post from an old friend and a darn good writer that inspired today’s perspective. Below are her words…

On the last day of earth, people rose early. There was so much work to be done. Phone calls were made. Important sentiments were expressed. A new record was set for daily kisses.

No one went into the office. All businesses were closed. All eyes and ears and arms stayed open.

Some remained inside, cleaning their homes, returning everything back to its proper place.

Some poured themselves into the streets, shouting and laughing and roaring with life.

Some stayed quiet, pensive, breathing in the end of sweetness.

Some held strangers.

Some held animals.

Some held objects.

Some held the hands of their loved ones, all day, waiting.

People relaxed into their grief and made room for acceptance. The birds sang wildly of every beautiful thing. The dogs howled madly at invisible moons. The grass continued to grow. It was the opposite of disappearing.

“Now” whispered the wind.

The earth trembled in anticipation. The trees waved goodbye. The oceans overflowed with sad and happy tears.

The waves crashed, echoing the sound of the world’s first expression.The earth circled back towards nothingness, like all living things.

People watched from windows, trapped inside the blaze of their own bodies. There were so few ways to speak. There was so much that needed to be said. The hours dwindled. The sun moved across the sky.

In the last moments of the last hour of the last day of earth, everyone gathered together to stand separately in a crowd. Every phone was silent. All electronics were turned off.

People spoke, but didn’t really speak.

People laughed, but didn’t really laugh.

People cried, but didn’t really cry.

People prayed, but didn’t really pray.

People clung to one another. They held millions of years in their arms. They remembered the world in reverse – day before day, moon before moon, all the way back to the beginning.

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Audio: How to love yourself by Paul Chek

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How do I love myself?

Who else have you got to love?

Who’s more important to love than yourself?

So how do you do it? You wake up in the morning, you look in the mirror and you say “Damn, you’re cool! You’re the only person that I really know for sure can love me whenever I want to be loved. You’re the only person that can wipe my ass. You’re the only person that can choose good food for me. You’re the only person that will always be in the gym with me. You’re the only person that gives me an opportunity to look out at world and see the beauty of the world and see how amazing creation is. You’re the only person that lays with me under the stars and sees exactly what I see.”

The gift of life is a miracle.

There are 60 billion souls waiting for bodies and to have one is the greatest gift in the universe.

My advice to you is just to play more.

Stop worrying about everybody’s opinion. Opinion’s are like assholes – everybody’s got one.

All that really matters is how you feel.

Enjoy your day, think of things that you enjoy doing, give yourself permission to do that, and just really become your own best friend. Treat yourself as your best friend. Take care of yourself as you would take care of someone you love.

Give yourself permission to be honest about your feelings and express those.

Meditate on your curiosities. Ask big questions.

Have fun. The secret to love is having fun. If it’s not fun then it’s probably not a very high form of love. Start allowing yourself the freedom to have fun.

Look at yourself in the mirror every morning, just relax, look right into your eyes and say “I love you. I’m so glad to have you here. I’m so grateful to share this experience of life with you. I’m going to love you so much that it’s inevitable that other people are going to feel how much love we have for each other and they’re going to want to participate in our private little party. And then you’ll see people can’t resist you when you love you because they know that you’re safe to be around because you’re loving.

How can I tie that with purpose?

What greater purpose is there than enjoying life?

The purpose of life is to live.

There will never ever be another you with your fingerprints, your eyes, your smile, your way of seeing things, your way of breathing, your way of loving. You’re the only one. This universe has trillions of stars, galaxies beyond galaxies – it’s got no end to it and you are the only one ever. There will never be another one of you. The universe never duplicates anything – it’s a novelty generator. There is so much joy to be had by just realizing how fortunate we are to be able to watch the birds fly, to be able to see the grass grow, and just to watch the sun go up and down. Spend some time each morning – any time you can – to watch the sun go up and watch the sun go down. The majesty of it is phenomenal. Spend some time being honest about how mysterious and how miraculous it is that you’re here to have this opportunity and think of all the people that waste it away – torturing themselves in screwed up relationships and doing jobs they don’t want to do; being controlled by parents that have weird ideas in their head. To the degree that you can just dance and enjoy being you – that is love, my friend.

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The best advice ever given to me

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You’ll figure it out, J.

I’ve heard this perspective plenty of times throughout the past 8 years of my life. While I was not always welcoming of this advice, I knew that these words were genuine and that they held a universal truth. You’ll figure it out was a reminder that no matter what I was going through at any given point in my life – trials, errors, hardships, pains, shames, blames, ups, downs, or confusions – that I will eventually figure it out.

The last time I heard these words from my friend was on August 2nd, 2011. I didn’t know that would truly be the last time I heard them from his mouth and with his genuine delivery because two months later my friend passed away in an accident. While I wish I still had him a phone call or a hang out away to ask for his advice through my ups and downs, I already know what he would tell me: You’ll figure it out, J.

No matter what happens – good or bad, right or wrong, healthy or sick, happy or sad, loved or unloved, accepted or un-accepted, understood or misunderstood, strong or weak, bulls-eye or complete miss – I’ll always figure it out. It may not happen in the most ideal time frame or in the most ideal experience or on the most ideal terms… but I’ll figure it out. I always have and I always will.

I have used this advice over the years to get me through the hardest of hard and the easiest of ease. Currently, this is where I’m at…

  • Love and accept myself and others
  • Forgive myself and others
  • Be happy with myself and others
  • Give myself and others the benefit – never the doubt
  • Have faith in myself and others
  • Have an open and honest heart with myself and others
  • Listen to my mind, heart, and body – they always know best
  • Have perspective when my Ego is calling the shots
  • Find a balance of Wants vs Needs
  • Do not judge, assume, or shame my battles or other’s battles
  • Do not place unrealistic expectations on myself or others
  • Do not provide myself with unnecessary boundaries or limitations
  • Surround myself with caring people who unconditionally support and understand me, and to not waste my efforts on those don’t
  • Take everything and everyone that I experience into perspective
  • Learn from everything – even if I don’t learn right away
  • Appreciate every single experience that I go through – good or bad
  • Be kind and easy on myself and others
  • I am always doing my best – that’s all I can ask of myself and others
  • Communication is the foundation of a good relationship with self and with others
  • Take responsibility for my actions and reactions
  • Never run away because it’ll only create more problems in the end
  • Fear is an illusion – I create all of my fears and fears create all of my dis-eases
  • Trust that what I give will be received in return
  • Try not to take myself so seriously
  • Have fun!
  • At the end of the day… I’ll figure it out

I share this story because I have faith that we all will figure it out. Some may figure it out quicker than others. Some may figure it out and have it fall through their hands only to figure it out again. Some may figure it out longer than others. Some may think they figured it out only to realize they have a lot more figuring out to do. Some may figure it out in different ways than others. Some may not think they need to figure it out only to experience quite the figure-it-out-wake-up-call. In the end, we all figure it out.

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Don’t ever say that you can’t

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via

Can’t is temporary.

I’ve fallen victim to “can’t.” I’m sure we all have at some point. It’s hard to see the big picture when we limit ourselves to what was or what isn’t.

We must focus on what we can do as necessary steps towards what we truly desire. The man in the above video could not walk unassisted, he could not touch his feet, he could not fit into smaller clothes, he could not be happy with himself, he self-sabotaged with food and believed his limits were factual. His perspective shift didn’t happen over night, but he found a way to inspire and love himself through the inspiration and love of others. He focused on what he could do (or was capable of) in the present moment. He took small steps to better himself and to be happy with himself. He didn’t give himself a time limit. He didn’t place unrealistic expectations. I’m sure he experienced set backs and frustrations, but he focused on the big picture and not what he was temporarily experiencing.

Do not doubt yourself or others. Always give the benefit.

Believe and have faith in yourself. Believe and have faith in others.

We can truly do anything.

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How did I get here?

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Have you ever traced back all of your good and bad experiences from your earliest memories? 
Your accomplishments? 
Your setbacks? 
Your happiness? 
Your pain?

We are all taught to work hard for our future and to not live in the past. While I agree with that mindset, I feel as though it can be interpreted as too exact and leave much room to lead an unfulfilling life…

How can we know where we are going when we may not even know, understand, nor appreciate how we got here?

Have you ever set aside time and patience to truly understand how you have gotten to the place where you are today? “The place” as in your personality, your reactions, your actions, your beliefs, your self-view, your wants, your needs, your habits, your addictions, your likes, your dislikes, your emotional state, your mental state, your physical state, your digestive state, your stress, your maturity, your friends, your family, your relationships, your location, your job, your school, and so on.

While reflecting and appreciating are necessary steps, the real magic happens when we revisit our past and take full responsibility for our experiences.

It’s obviously much easier to take responsibility for our good accomplishments, for our positive achievements, for our good deeds, for our beneficial reactions… but what about for our poor accomplishments, for our negative achievements, for our bad deeds, for our selfish reactions?

When something good happens because of our conscious efforts we are the first to step up and claim our prize – promoting that we did “it” happen rather than “it” happening to us. Why can’t we do the same when we experience, accomplish, or encourage a negative outcome? Why, when we experience a negative, do we find ourselves asking “why did this happen to me?”

In every single situation we must take responsibility for what happened, how it happened, how we reacted or encouraged that happening, and how we shared in a part of that happening. While much of what occurs is at the power of a greater reality, we also have the power to influence our own reality.

Everything that we pride ourselves on and everything that we are running away from can be better understood by taking ownership of our lives.

Only when we take responsibility for our experiences can we truly learn about who we are and how we came to be.

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Define: Addiction

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  • Addiction is a form of control, but what leads to that control?
  • Addiction is a symptom to an underlying cause, so we must define our true pain that we are suppressing or escaping.
  • On the outside, addiction involves reflective escapes – food, drugs, alcohol, sex, anger, depression, exercise, etc.
  • Deep down, addiction involves an escape from self – self-shame, self-sabotage, a lack of self-responsibility, a lack of self-awareness, and, ultimately, a lack of self-love.
  • We can overcome addiction when we become aware of what we are escaping and take responsibility for our actions.
  • We can overcome addiction when we see the value in what releasing that addiction can bring.
  • We can overcome addiction when we stop running away from ourselves, others, and our self-made problems, boundaries, expectations, boarders, shames, pains, or walls.
  • Addiction is an external attempt to find internal love.

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The Secret to Life: How to Lose Weight, Gain Muscle, and Get Healthy Now!

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The Secret to Life! How to Lose Weight, Gain Muscle, and Get Healthy now!

Here it is! The answer everyone is looking for: How to Get Healthy and Stay Healthy in three easy steps!

Sound too good to be true? It’s not!

No hype.
No bull.
No marketing campaign.
No diet or detox miracle.
You don’t have to take any pills.
You don’t have to take any drugs.
You don’t have to starve yourself for weeks.
You don’t have to go from one diet craze to the next.
You don’t have to drink protein shake after protein shake.
You don’t have to weigh your food or weigh yourself every day.
You don’t have to run miles upon miles and do sit up after sit up.

Want to know how the heck you can get healthy starting right now?

L. F. B.

  • Love yourself.
  • Forgive yourself.
  • Be happy with yourself.

L. F. B.

Why do we become sick in the first place?
Why do we become sad?
Why do we eat too much?
Why do we not eat enough?
Why do we go from diet to diet?
Why do we go from exercise to exercise?
Why do we burn the wick at both ends?
Why do we believe that a fit body means a healthy body?
Why, now more than ever, is the United States becoming so unhealthy despite all of the diets, studies, and supplements available that apparently promote health?
Why, no matter what we do, can we not seem to get healthy?

  • Health comes when we take responsibility for our lives, our choices, and how we experience life.
  • Health comes when we are aware of why we may be unhealthy.
  • Health comes when we understand what it means to be healthy by questioning everything and listening to hour body.
  • Health comes when we have respect for ourselves, our body, and the food that we choose to become part of our body – our life.
  • Health comes when we balance our life’s wants and needs.
  • Health comes when we let down our ego and open up our heart.
  • Health comes when we provide a healthy external environment to reflect our internal environment.
  • Health comes when we do not place unrealistic expectations upon ourselves, others, or our experiences.
  • Health comes when we forgive our past so we can be present in the now and work towards hour future.
  • Health comes when we stop self-sabotaging.
  • Health comes when we are not ashamed of who we are on the outside because we accept ourselves on the inside.
  • Health comes when we accept who we are, and how we came to be.
  • Health comes when we do not compare ourselves to others.
  • Health comes when we understand that we are doing our very best in every moment and that no moment is ever wrong nor a mistake.
  • Health comes when you Love yourself.
  • Health comes when you Forgive yourself.
  • Health comes when you Be happy with yourself.

L. F. B.

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Self-Destruction

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  • Why do we self-destruct?
  • Why do we cause ourselves more pain?
  • Why do we run away, bury, or hide in chaos?
  • Why do we not take self-responsibility and trade it for self-negligence?
  • Why do we not realize the immense pain we are causing ourselves by creating more pain?
  • Why do we build walls between ourselves and our surroundings to feel more protected when it only creates loneliness and fear?
  • Why do we turn to outer escapes to temporarily fill an inner void?
  • How did that void appear in the first place?

 What is necessary to be indestructible?

  • Self-responsibility
  • Self-awareness
  • Self-acceptance
  • Self-love
  • Self-trust
  • Self-fulfillment

Self-responsibility is important to understand why and how we experience life, but that responsibility can only come through awareness, acceptance, love, trust and fulfillment of self.

 1) Become aware of the cause – actions and reactions are symptoms

  • Take time to reflect on the possibility of self-unhappiness – Am I truly happy?
  • Take time to understand why self-unhappiness may exist – What makes me unhappy? 
  • Take time to revisit where and when self-unhappiness began – What are the first memories of my unhappiness – the root cause?
  • Take time to realize what are the symptoms of that cause – Actions, reactions, habits, personality, attitude, hurting, inflicting, neglecting, sabotaging, drowning, abandoning, excuses, avoiding, controlling, and selfishness to name a few.
  • Take time to see where that unhappiness has lead or built a path to present day – How did I get here?

2) Accept [and be grateful for] the past because it has shaped the present

  • Appreciate taking the time to reflect, understand, revisit, realize, and see the root cause – this is not always an easy first step.
  • Appreciate good and bad past experiences because today’s world would not exist without yesterday’s construction and destruction.
  • Appreciate the bad so it can be learned from and turned into good.
  • Appreciate all flaws, mistakes, imperfections, actions, reactions, judgements, assumptions, pains, shames, walls, and escapes as a part of self – I didn’t know any other way (this is all I knew how to do) and I did the best that I could at that time.

3) Unconditionally love self as a perfect culmination of the past and a desire of future

  • Forgiveness of self and others is an important step towards self-love
  • Love self of the past to love self of the present to be self of the future
  • Life is perfect because it occurs as it is intended - I am perfect.
  • Love can only be found within self. - An outside acceptance of love will come when an inside acceptance of love exists.
  • Give what is willing to be received. Receive what is willing to be given. – Karma.

4) Trust in self

  • Be open and honest with self.
  • Trust in self-love – My love is enough.
  • Trust that exists on the inside will attract trust that exists on the outside.
  • Trust and love in self are necessary to find trust and love in others.

5) Fulfill self – The effect of the cause

  • Awareness, Acceptance, Unconditional Love and Trust are the foundation of Self-fulfillment.
  • Self-happiness will come when it exists within.

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