Category Archives: happiness

Set fire to your old self

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Happy Monday!

Your personality is not set in stone. […] You can change what you want about yourself at any time. You see yourself as someone who can’t write or play an instrument, who gives in to temptation or makes bad decisions, but that’s really not you. It’s not ingrained. It’s not your personality. Your personality is something else, something deeper.

If it is useful to do so, you must abandon your identity and start again. Sometimes it’s the only way.

Set fire to your old self. It’s not needed here. It’s too busy shopping, gossiping about others, watching days go by, and asking why you haven’t gotten as far as you’d like. This old self will die and be forgotten by all but family, and replaced by someone who makes a difference.

Your new self is not like that. Your new self is the Great Chicago Fire — overwhelming, overpowering, and destroying everything that isn’t necessary.

Julien Smith, “The Flinch”

I came across this quote the other day on the Tumblr and I am sharing it with all of you today because this is exactamundo what I went through to discover my current renewed self. I mean, I wasn’t too busy shopping or gossiping about others, but I was sure watching the days go by and asking myself why the shit am I not where I want to be and how the heck can I get there? Actually, I had no clue where I wanted to be. I just knew that I wasn’t happy with myself at the time – with where I was or with how I was – and I needed to figure all of that out, so, I started at square one… Why am I me? I questioned abso-tu-ta-lutely everything. I wrote list after list… Why am I not happy? What influences me to be unhappy? What influences me internally to be unhappy? What influences me externally to be unhappy? How did I get here? Why did I get here? What influenced me to get here? What experiences throughout my childhood have molded me, for good or worse, to be who I am? Am I ready to take responsibility for myself? Am I ready to admit all of my faults and claim them as my own? What is the cause to all of my symptoms? How are my symptoms related?

I think what helped the most in my trials was the immense desire of just wanting to be happy, and wanting to be happy more than unhappy (because people can get stuck in negative land and develop a comfort in unhappiness. It’s easier to be unhappy because sometimes happiness requires change and change isn’t always easy, especially when you have to take responsibility for yourself). I vividly recall days that I would just repeat to myself, “I just want to be happy, I just want to be happy, I just fucking want to be happy,” but I didn’t know what made me happy or how that was even possible from where I stood at what seemed to be the bottom rung of a 100-story ladder. What I did know, however, was what made me unhappy and I realized that if I wanted to make any forward progress at all with myself, I needed to address that first and why that reality existed. My unhappiness weighed so much more on me than anything else and so in order to get that weight off my shoulders I had to suck it up, face my fears, face my demons, face my denials, face my conditionings, face my family, face my friends, face my career, face my passions, and face all of my responsibilities to myself, including the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual aspects of my life that were completely out of balance. The thing is, I confronted myself with everything first and last. I experience the world before the world experiences me and I had to take responsibility for everything that I was internally and externally. It wasn’t easy. I went through weeks where I felt that every day was one step forward and two steps backwards. But, I kept on trucking because the desire to find my happiness was the greatest realization I have ever come across in my (then) 26 years of life. “Without darkness, one cannot know light” is what I had to experience in order to appreciate a bliss that I have always dreamt of but never could place its reality in my life. I had to lose myself and hit rock freaking bottom before I could place a value on the importance and incredible feeling of finding myself and making my way to the top with all of the responsibility on my back.

Addressing my all-encompassing self was one thing. I had successfully managed to put my entire life to-date into perspective and was able to truly figure out why I am me (of course with plenty-o head room for new discoveries). Then came the biggest step: I had to change into who I wanted to be. I had to experience myself from birth to the present moment, I had to discover and understand that I wouldn’t be able to move on without letting go of who I was at the time, and so I set fire to my old self, leaving my old life in the dust so a new life could rise from the ashes. I forced myself to die. And I always feared death, so that was a huuuuuge thing to put into perspective and overcome for myself. I had to actually face and experience one of my biggest fears in order to move on. I had to die to live. It’s incredible.

If it is useful to do so, you must abandon your identity and start again. Sometimes it’s the only way.

I agree with the above statement in the context of myself and the path I needed to take. Not every needs to embark on such a drastic change, but I believe that it is useful to explore oneself, to explore the why’s and how’s to your current self, and to address any unhappiness that may exist. I support unhappiness because it is often a necessary starting point to bring about a change for the betterment of you.

I’m still me and, in the same breath, I’m not me at all. I am no one and someone at the same time. I am. I am not. I am and I am not. Neither I am nor I am not. It’s a really cool time in my life and I’m so grateful for all of the shit I stuck through to get me to my current self.

If you’re unhappy, don’t stop until you find it. That feeling, better yet the achievement of that feeling – knowing that YOU made this happen because of such a dedication to your happiness – is greater than words could ever speak.

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What a journey this has been!

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Happy TUESday,

I wasn’t able to get around to my usual Monday-morning post. I wasn’t able to set aside time to write last week or weekend because I was too busy preparing, too busy organizing, too busy getting ready to unveil a piece of myself to the world. I have come such a long way since I began this blog in April of 2012. I didn’t know where this blog would take me nor did I even consider that it would influence others as much as it seems. I just knew that I was going through one hell of a time in my life and by writing down my thoughts, by making them real, I was able to discover the best therapy I could ask for, and, more importantly, I was able to discover myself.

Today, three of my very good friends and I debuted our new band called Mosey. This band was two years in-the-making… but I didn’t have the slightest clue about it until October 2012 and I didn’t have the slightest clue that such a dream come true would develop out of such a dark time in my life. In 2011 I had quit the previous band that I was in and moved 800 miles away from everything I knew; completely lost as to what I wanted to do with myself or where to take my life. I was sick. I was unhappy. I was unhappy because I was sick, and I was sick because I was unhappy. Time passed and I grew unhappier until it became too big. I freaked the fuck out and lost myself even more for months. I didn’t speak to anyone. I didn’t even want anyone to know I existed. But, sure enough, out of all that turmoil, came a new person. Out came a person who knows himself that much more. Out came a person who realizes what matters most and what makes him tick and how he can achieve happiness every single day in his life. Out came the greatest person I have ever been… with completely new perspectives and opinions and understandings, and the way I hold myself today is unlike anything I have ever experienced before. Out came a new person that could from a person that could not.

All because I died.

I recognized and then allowed my whole self to die. I realized what was holding me back and that I had to let it all go if I really wanted to move on with my life and become the person whom I’ve always wanted to be. I kept holding onto a life that I hated instead of surrendering to its death and allowing a life that I wanted to be born. This new life is breathtakingly incredible for me knowing how far I’ve come with the many, many baby steps, the turning point revelations, that it took to get here.

I sit here today so proud of myself and what I have accomplished, and I am gleaming with excitement for what is to come. I am excited that I am making my life happen and fulfilling my dreams one step at a time. And I am sharing all of this as today’s blog because you are all a part of my journey. I get to see how many hits I have each day and from which countries and which of my articles get the most attention. It’s all so humbling that people, complete strangers, have offered their time of day to read, in essence, my coming-of-age tale. I am sharing all of this as today’s blog because this is so inspiring to me and I can only hope it is equally inspiring to whomever reads this post. I have managed to take myself from the darkest hole I ever crawled into and have built every single aspect of myself – mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual – into who and what and why I wanted to be.

I am the happiest I have ever been in my life at 27.

Thank you all for your eyes,

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Can an Ancient Chinese text still hold water?

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Tao Te Ching – Chapters 8-10

The supreme good is like water,
which nourishes all things without trying to.
It is content with the low places that people disdain.
Thus it is like the Tao.

In dwelling, live close to the ground.
In thinking, keep to the simple.
In conflict, be fair and generous.
In governing, don’t try to control.
In work, do what you enjoy.
In family life, be completely present.

When you are content to be simply yourself
and don’t compare or compete,
everybody will respect you.

Fill your bowl to the brim
and it will spill.
Keep sharpening your knife
and it will blunt.
Chase after money and security
and your heart will never unclench.
Care about people’s approval
and you will be their prisoner.
Do your work, then step back.
The only path to serenity.

Can you coax your mind from its wandering
and keep to the original oneness?
Can you let your body become
supple as a newborn child’s?
Can you cleanse your inner vision
until you see nothing but the light?
Can you love people and lead them
without imposing your will?
Can you deal with the most vital matters
by letting events take their course?
Can you step back from you own mind
and thus understand all things?

Giving birth and nourishing,
having without possessing,
acting with no expectations,
leading and not trying to control:
this is the supreme virtue.

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What if the world ended tomorrow?

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This is my end-of-the-world-fantasy-for-example’s-sake so let’s get cracking…

What if the world ended tomorrow?

The end will be peaceful. No meteor collisions, no volcanic eruptions, no tsunamis, and no earthquakes. It will be a quiet end that every single person will be completely aware of its inevitability – here one minute and gone the next.

What would you do for the remaining 24 hours of your life? 

  • Would you love or hate?
  • Would you appreciate or neglect?
  • Would you forgive or forget?
  • Would you accept or deny?
  • Who would you spend your final time with?
  • Who would you reach out to and what would you say?
  • What would you say to others?
  • What would you say to yourself?

Why do we have to wait until the end to love, appreciate, forgive, accept, spend time with loved ones, reach out to others who’ve had an impact, and to have a heart-felt conversation with self?

Last week, I came across a post from an old friend and a darn good writer that inspired today’s perspective. Below are her words…

On the last day of earth, people rose early. There was so much work to be done. Phone calls were made. Important sentiments were expressed. A new record was set for daily kisses.

No one went into the office. All businesses were closed. All eyes and ears and arms stayed open.

Some remained inside, cleaning their homes, returning everything back to its proper place.

Some poured themselves into the streets, shouting and laughing and roaring with life.

Some stayed quiet, pensive, breathing in the end of sweetness.

Some held strangers.

Some held animals.

Some held objects.

Some held the hands of their loved ones, all day, waiting.

People relaxed into their grief and made room for acceptance. The birds sang wildly of every beautiful thing. The dogs howled madly at invisible moons. The grass continued to grow. It was the opposite of disappearing.

“Now” whispered the wind.

The earth trembled in anticipation. The trees waved goodbye. The oceans overflowed with sad and happy tears.

The waves crashed, echoing the sound of the world’s first expression.The earth circled back towards nothingness, like all living things.

People watched from windows, trapped inside the blaze of their own bodies. There were so few ways to speak. There was so much that needed to be said. The hours dwindled. The sun moved across the sky.

In the last moments of the last hour of the last day of earth, everyone gathered together to stand separately in a crowd. Every phone was silent. All electronics were turned off.

People spoke, but didn’t really speak.

People laughed, but didn’t really laugh.

People cried, but didn’t really cry.

People prayed, but didn’t really pray.

People clung to one another. They held millions of years in their arms. They remembered the world in reverse – day before day, moon before moon, all the way back to the beginning.

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Audio: How to love yourself by Paul Chek

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How do I love myself?

Who else have you got to love?

Who’s more important to love than yourself?

So how do you do it? You wake up in the morning, you look in the mirror and you say “Damn, you’re cool! You’re the only person that I really know for sure can love me whenever I want to be loved. You’re the only person that can wipe my ass. You’re the only person that can choose good food for me. You’re the only person that will always be in the gym with me. You’re the only person that gives me an opportunity to look out at world and see the beauty of the world and see how amazing creation is. You’re the only person that lays with me under the stars and sees exactly what I see.”

The gift of life is a miracle.

There are 60 billion souls waiting for bodies and to have one is the greatest gift in the universe.

My advice to you is just to play more.

Stop worrying about everybody’s opinion. Opinion’s are like assholes – everybody’s got one.

All that really matters is how you feel.

Enjoy your day, think of things that you enjoy doing, give yourself permission to do that, and just really become your own best friend. Treat yourself as your best friend. Take care of yourself as you would take care of someone you love.

Give yourself permission to be honest about your feelings and express those.

Meditate on your curiosities. Ask big questions.

Have fun. The secret to love is having fun. If it’s not fun then it’s probably not a very high form of love. Start allowing yourself the freedom to have fun.

Look at yourself in the mirror every morning, just relax, look right into your eyes and say “I love you. I’m so glad to have you here. I’m so grateful to share this experience of life with you. I’m going to love you so much that it’s inevitable that other people are going to feel how much love we have for each other and they’re going to want to participate in our private little party. And then you’ll see people can’t resist you when you love you because they know that you’re safe to be around because you’re loving.

How can I tie that with purpose?

What greater purpose is there than enjoying life?

The purpose of life is to live.

There will never ever be another you with your fingerprints, your eyes, your smile, your way of seeing things, your way of breathing, your way of loving. You’re the only one. This universe has trillions of stars, galaxies beyond galaxies – it’s got no end to it and you are the only one ever. There will never be another one of you. The universe never duplicates anything – it’s a novelty generator. There is so much joy to be had by just realizing how fortunate we are to be able to watch the birds fly, to be able to see the grass grow, and just to watch the sun go up and down. Spend some time each morning – any time you can – to watch the sun go up and watch the sun go down. The majesty of it is phenomenal. Spend some time being honest about how mysterious and how miraculous it is that you’re here to have this opportunity and think of all the people that waste it away – torturing themselves in screwed up relationships and doing jobs they don’t want to do; being controlled by parents that have weird ideas in their head. To the degree that you can just dance and enjoy being you – that is love, my friend.

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The best advice ever given to me

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You’ll figure it out, J.

I’ve heard this perspective plenty of times throughout the past 8 years of my life. While I was not always welcoming of this advice, I knew that these words were genuine and that they held a universal truth. You’ll figure it out was a reminder that no matter what I was going through at any given point in my life – trials, errors, hardships, pains, shames, blames, ups, downs, or confusions – that I will eventually figure it out.

The last time I heard these words from my friend was on August 2nd, 2011. I didn’t know that would truly be the last time I heard them from his mouth and with his genuine delivery because two months later my friend passed away in an accident. While I wish I still had him a phone call or a hang out away to ask for his advice through my ups and downs, I already know what he would tell me: You’ll figure it out, J.

No matter what happens – good or bad, right or wrong, healthy or sick, happy or sad, loved or unloved, accepted or un-accepted, understood or misunderstood, strong or weak, bulls-eye or complete miss – I’ll always figure it out. It may not happen in the most ideal time frame or in the most ideal experience or on the most ideal terms… but I’ll figure it out. I always have and I always will.

I have used this advice over the years to get me through the hardest of hard and the easiest of ease. Currently, this is where I’m at…

  • Love and accept myself and others
  • Forgive myself and others
  • Be happy with myself and others
  • Give myself and others the benefit – never the doubt
  • Have faith in myself and others
  • Have an open and honest heart with myself and others
  • Listen to my mind, heart, and body – they always know best
  • Have perspective when my Ego is calling the shots
  • Find a balance of Wants vs Needs
  • Do not judge, assume, or shame my battles or other’s battles
  • Do not place unrealistic expectations on myself or others
  • Do not provide myself with unnecessary boundaries or limitations
  • Surround myself with caring people who unconditionally support and understand me, and to not waste my efforts on those don’t
  • Take everything and everyone that I experience into perspective
  • Learn from everything – even if I don’t learn right away
  • Appreciate every single experience that I go through – good or bad
  • Be kind and easy on myself and others
  • I am always doing my best – that’s all I can ask of myself and others
  • Communication is the foundation of a good relationship with self and with others
  • Take responsibility for my actions and reactions
  • Never run away because it’ll only create more problems in the end
  • Fear is an illusion – I create all of my fears and fears create all of my dis-eases
  • Trust that what I give will be received in return
  • Try not to take myself so seriously
  • Have fun!
  • At the end of the day… I’ll figure it out

I share this story because I have faith that we all will figure it out. Some may figure it out quicker than others. Some may figure it out and have it fall through their hands only to figure it out again. Some may figure it out longer than others. Some may think they figured it out only to realize they have a lot more figuring out to do. Some may figure it out in different ways than others. Some may not think they need to figure it out only to experience quite the figure-it-out-wake-up-call. In the end, we all figure it out.

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Don’t ever say that you can’t

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via

Can’t is temporary.

I’ve fallen victim to “can’t.” I’m sure we all have at some point. It’s hard to see the big picture when we limit ourselves to what was or what isn’t.

We must focus on what we can do as necessary steps towards what we truly desire. The man in the above video could not walk unassisted, he could not touch his feet, he could not fit into smaller clothes, he could not be happy with himself, he self-sabotaged with food and believed his limits were factual. His perspective shift didn’t happen over night, but he found a way to inspire and love himself through the inspiration and love of others. He focused on what he could do (or was capable of) in the present moment. He took small steps to better himself and to be happy with himself. He didn’t give himself a time limit. He didn’t place unrealistic expectations. I’m sure he experienced set backs and frustrations, but he focused on the big picture and not what he was temporarily experiencing.

Do not doubt yourself or others. Always give the benefit.

Believe and have faith in yourself. Believe and have faith in others.

We can truly do anything.

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How did I get here?

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Have you ever traced back all of your good and bad experiences from your earliest memories? 
Your accomplishments? 
Your setbacks? 
Your happiness? 
Your pain?

We are all taught to work hard for our future and to not live in the past. While I agree with that mindset, I feel as though it can be interpreted as too exact and leave much room to lead an unfulfilling life…

How can we know where we are going when we may not even know, understand, nor appreciate how we got here?

Have you ever set aside time and patience to truly understand how you have gotten to the place where you are today? “The place” as in your personality, your reactions, your actions, your beliefs, your self-view, your wants, your needs, your habits, your addictions, your likes, your dislikes, your emotional state, your mental state, your physical state, your digestive state, your stress, your maturity, your friends, your family, your relationships, your location, your job, your school, and so on.

While reflecting and appreciating are necessary steps, the real magic happens when we revisit our past and take full responsibility for our experiences.

It’s obviously much easier to take responsibility for our good accomplishments, for our positive achievements, for our good deeds, for our beneficial reactions… but what about for our poor accomplishments, for our negative achievements, for our bad deeds, for our selfish reactions?

When something good happens because of our conscious efforts we are the first to step up and claim our prize – promoting that we did “it” happen rather than “it” happening to us. Why can’t we do the same when we experience, accomplish, or encourage a negative outcome? Why, when we experience a negative, do we find ourselves asking “why did this happen to me?”

In every single situation we must take responsibility for what happened, how it happened, how we reacted or encouraged that happening, and how we shared in a part of that happening. While much of what occurs is at the power of a greater reality, we also have the power to influence our own reality.

Everything that we pride ourselves on and everything that we are running away from can be better understood by taking ownership of our lives.

Only when we take responsibility for our experiences can we truly learn about who we are and how we came to be.

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Define: Addiction

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  • Addiction is a form of control, but what leads to that control?
  • Addiction is a symptom to an underlying cause, so we must define our true pain that we are suppressing or escaping.
  • On the outside, addiction involves reflective escapes – food, drugs, alcohol, sex, anger, depression, exercise, etc.
  • Deep down, addiction involves an escape from self – self-shame, self-sabotage, a lack of self-responsibility, a lack of self-awareness, and, ultimately, a lack of self-love.
  • We can overcome addiction when we become aware of what we are escaping and take responsibility for our actions.
  • We can overcome addiction when we see the value in what releasing that addiction can bring.
  • We can overcome addiction when we stop running away from ourselves, others, and our self-made problems, boundaries, expectations, boarders, shames, pains, or walls.
  • Addiction is an external attempt to find internal love.

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The Secret to Life: How to Lose Weight, Gain Muscle, and Get Healthy Now!

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The Secret to Life! How to Lose Weight, Gain Muscle, and Get Healthy now!

Here it is! The answer everyone is looking for: How to Get Healthy and Stay Healthy in three easy steps!

Sound too good to be true? It’s not!

No hype.
No bull.
No marketing campaign.
No diet or detox miracle.
You don’t have to take any pills.
You don’t have to take any drugs.
You don’t have to starve yourself for weeks.
You don’t have to go from one diet craze to the next.
You don’t have to drink protein shake after protein shake.
You don’t have to weigh your food or weigh yourself every day.
You don’t have to run miles upon miles and do sit up after sit up.

Want to know how the heck you can get healthy starting right now?

L. F. B.

  • Love yourself.
  • Forgive yourself.
  • Be happy with yourself.

L. F. B.

Why do we become sick in the first place?
Why do we become sad?
Why do we eat too much?
Why do we not eat enough?
Why do we go from diet to diet?
Why do we go from exercise to exercise?
Why do we burn the wick at both ends?
Why do we believe that a fit body means a healthy body?
Why, now more than ever, is the United States becoming so unhealthy despite all of the diets, studies, and supplements available that apparently promote health?
Why, no matter what we do, can we not seem to get healthy?

  • Health comes when we take responsibility for our lives, our choices, and how we experience life.
  • Health comes when we are aware of why we may be unhealthy.
  • Health comes when we understand what it means to be healthy by questioning everything and listening to hour body.
  • Health comes when we have respect for ourselves, our body, and the food that we choose to become part of our body – our life.
  • Health comes when we balance our life’s wants and needs.
  • Health comes when we let down our ego and open up our heart.
  • Health comes when we provide a healthy external environment to reflect our internal environment.
  • Health comes when we do not place unrealistic expectations upon ourselves, others, or our experiences.
  • Health comes when we forgive our past so we can be present in the now and work towards hour future.
  • Health comes when we stop self-sabotaging.
  • Health comes when we are not ashamed of who we are on the outside because we accept ourselves on the inside.
  • Health comes when we accept who we are, and how we came to be.
  • Health comes when we do not compare ourselves to others.
  • Health comes when we understand that we are doing our very best in every moment and that no moment is ever wrong nor a mistake.
  • Health comes when you Love yourself.
  • Health comes when you Forgive yourself.
  • Health comes when you Be happy with yourself.

L. F. B.

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