TWLOHA’s MOVE Conference Reflection

A happy monday fellow healthians,

This weekend I attended To Write Love On Her Arms‘ MOVE Conference. It was a two-day informative lecture/conversation amongst two speakers, two coordinators, and about 40 attendees which touched on heavy/personal topics such as Addiction, Depression, Anxiety, Self-Injury, Eating Disorders, and Suicide. I participated in the conference in support of a friend. She had come to me about a month ago that she eagerly wanted to attend and, since we have shared many conversations in the past regarding our perspectives of personal healing and growth, she pretty much said you’re coming and I won’t take “no” for an answer. She didn’t have to twist my arm at all really because I had an idea of what I was getting myself into with my familiarity with TWLOHA’s mission; having “worked” with the organization in the past as a musician and through the friendships I was able to build from sharing an awareness of health. But my awareness only went so far when it came to these topics because I had yet to be thrown into a room with real people who have dealt with and are still dealing with real problems. I found myself being smacked in the face with a reality I have only read about and have reflected generalized philosophies upon. I knew I was in for a treat the moment we began going around the room stating our name, story, and purpose.

I went into the conference thinking that the participants would be those who are dealing with the issues, those who are seeking answers for themselves, those who are in search of aha-moments to get themselves on a better track towards healing. I didn’t read up on the conference beforehand so I had some assumptions going into it and, while that general mindset held some truth, I didn’t expect that I would be in a room with people just like me… young professionals who have gone through their own tough times reality and have now come out on the other end with the approach of I’m going to use what I have learned in my worst-of-the-worst to help others in their paths towards happiness. And the most inspiring part? Everyone was real. Everyone had real stories, real obstacles, real battles, real experiences, real emotions, and everyone was dealing with their own reality all-the-while learning more about the realities of others for one common goal: to help. It was rather humbling to be in a room with therapists, with counselors, with speakers, with help-line workers, with undergrads, with graduate students, with mothers, with adults… with all different walks of life in one room who have been through it and who just get it. That is actually one of the main purposes of the conference – to find someone that just gets it – amongst the slightly more obvious reasons like raising awareness of such hush-hush topics, educating the educators, inspiring the inspired, comforting the disturbed, and disturbing the comforted. To find someone who you can relate to is such a milestone in the world of healing because we have all gone through our own shit and you damn-well know that it certainly helps to speak to someone who understands and relates through their own trials to what you are going through. We all have different experiences, but we def-def-definitely share the same feelings of hurt, pain, shame, or unhappiness (as well as happiness, ease, comfort, or success).

It is my understanding that these symptoms umbrella under and manifest as a result of a greater cause. To extremely over simplify that greater cause, I chalk it up to unhappiness. This mental state can be caused by many factors and we all manifest its symptoms in various ways, but I do believe that the foundation exists as a lack of happiness with self and the experiences of self, i.e. what you understand to be your reality through your own [influenced] filter system (thoughts, beliefs, conditionings, perceptions, habits, knowledge, ignorance, diet, digestion, stressors, sleep patterns, priorities, et cetera).

Yet, the conference didn’t really hint on any sort of generalization. There were times in the conversation where we saw commonalities for treatments or fine lines between diagnostics, but it still resorted back to this is this and that is that. It focused on each symptom as its own entity and that one must “treat” each realm accordingly. An addiction counselor should not treat a self-injury patient because, from what I gathered, they are not the same. I ask why? If we’re approaching this holistically, the body’s physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health fall under one cyclic/complimentary umbrella so why can’t our symptoms? It just doesn’t make sense to me. For example, self-injury is mainly the act of inflicting pain or cutting one’s skin, but how is cigarette smoking not a form of self-injury, as well? Both involve an awareness of the action and its consequences, both inflict pain in exchange for euphoria and a quick-fix result only to come back again because the thrill wasn’t enough and the underlying cause/relief structure still exists. Also, each are forms of addiction and, perhaps, can be a result of depression, too. Of course, I was in a room with trained professionals whose experiences on paper far exceed mine so perhaps I do not have much room to speak, but I do not think that limits my platform to question the approach or to raise an awareness of more foundational-based ways to do things.

I really found this intriguing because this is the habit of our society. We like to label things… every-things. And, in the medical/health field, people can lose their identities or any mindset of who they are because their names can be replaced or associated with a specific disease, disorder, or mental state. This replacement can come from the doctor’s vocabulary/perspective or can even be adapted by the patient. The nice guy named Bob becomes a Drug Addict. Why the heck is Bob a drug addict in the first place? Some sort of shit in Bob’s life culminated, made him freak, and he turned to drugs. Can labeling Bob as an addict make him more unhappy? Why can’t we just say that Bob is unhappy and retrace the steps to where/why Bob became unhappy? He’s still the nice guy he’s always been, but people may not identify him as the nice guy anymore because we label. And when we label, we segregate by default. And when we segregate by default, we impose stigma by default. And stigma is an imposed reality which we seldom take the time to step back from to look at the bigger picture – what truly matters in a universal reality. It’d be nice to look at things objectively rather than subjectively. Then again everyone tends to have their opinion and we all know the saying about opinions… It’d also be nice to get away from labels but I don’t think it’ll ever happen. Really, we just want to belong. Even if it means we belong to a negative connotation, at least we belong to something.

One final thing I’d like to note is a shared story from one of the speakers. The speaker’s father did not allow the use of Neosporin within their household. If you are not familiar with Neosporin, it is a healing agent that can be applied to small cuts or scrapes to speed up the healing process and to prevent the formation of “ugly” scars. The father wasn’t a doctor, but he knew a thing or two about the healing process. Neospiron is promoted as a quick-healer and offers a good-as-new look. That’s cool and all, but while the skin on the outside may be “healed,” the wound underneath remains open and prone to infection because the body is not meant to heal as such a rapid pace. Hey, at least it looks good and my date tonight won’t think I’m a zombie freak, right? When we give the body time to heal on its own time at its own pace in its own natural environment, the wounds mend accordingly. The same can be said about our emotional and mental states. We can take all of the medication we want, we can try all of the quick-fix protocols we come across, but they will never truly heal until the underlying cause is addressed and fixed naturally through being honest with self, yielding compassion for self, having patience with self, and, thus, gaining a greater awareness of self.

I learned a lot from the conference and I’m very glad I was given the opportunity to go. If you are not familiar with To Write Love On Her Arms, please check out their websiteblog, and calendar to verse yourself in the awareness and the hope that they spread.

Thanks for stopping by, folks.

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What really matters?

Happy Monday,

What really matters (in a non-pessimist, non-depressing manner, of course)?

Does a healthy diet matter? Does an unhealthy diet matter? Do calories matter? Does an exercise routine matter? Does being the best matter? Does being the smartest matter? Does being good-looking matter? Does being ugly matter? Does having a job matter? Does winning matter? Does losing matter? Do actions matter? Does the past matter? Does the future matter? Do definitions matter? Do comparisons matter? Do experiences matter? Do opinions matter?

I have to say that a lot of the bullshit we put ourselves through, good bullshit included, means nada, zip, zilch, absolutely nothing. And by bullshit, I simply mean thinking, thoughts, brain thingamajigs.

Our thoughts can easily predict our lives – how we perceive, believe, act, and react to our experiences/personal realities – if we let them. Who controls your thoughts? Y-o-u, you! What can influence your thoughts? Absolutely everything! Who’s gonna win today? We are! Beliefs, perceptions, expectations, assumptions, conditionings, religion, faith, family, friends, diet, hydration, digestion, sleep, physical exertion, physical environment, or that bird outside the window at 5am when you’re just trying to get some f-ing sleep, man! can all influence our thoughts, BUT you ultimately determine how you are affected by those influences and, thus, by your idea of what really matters. This shouldn’t be a new concept to anyone – it’s more of a nudge that says, “Wake up and smell the tunafish, kid.”

Don’t be a puppet. Don’t let your thoughts control you. Don’t write off your thoughts thinking that they’re real when you literally make them up. When we are a puppet of our thoughts by yielding an absolute zero awareness of how we think, why we think, where our thoughts come from, and of all the influential factors being throw at us on a daily basis, we can experience a (possibly never-ending) blindness to what really matters (and also some insight into who we truly are/what we’re all about). Seeing isn’t believing, my franz. Thinking is. You can conjure up anything of your choosing within that imagination of yours and then have it manifest in various ways, i.e. turning the non-physical into physical. I literally sat in my bed the other night and imagined a situation of “What would I do if I encountered a purse-snatcher while on a date.” I thought about the various scenarios where I ran after the thief and the possible outcomes, in my favor and not. With each passing scene, I managed to increase my heart rate more and more, and thus, I increased my blood pressure and my stress hormone response (adrenaline or cortisol) in correlation with my mentality. Shit was nuts, but, more importantly, it was a great perspective experiment into what is [not] actually real.

Diving a little further into this shindig, to hold anything in a state of importance (expectation, attachment, or perceived necessity) may rock the life-boat a bit in the sense that this alleged importance could also bring along a state of unease. Because what happens to that boat when we lose something important or are prevented from its access or even consider the thought of losing said importance? That boat will be swimmin’ with the fishes in no time. I am not saying that nothing in life should be important (or a priority), but what I am suggesting is that maybe some (by some I probably mean most) things aren’t so important after-all. The external foundations, ones outside of ourselves in which we rely upon, believe that we need, or reach outwardly to in times of confusion, are the main factors in this case. Externals will never be able to fill or replace your own two metaphorical feet.

Ok, enough jibber jabber. Let’s have some incorporating-perspectives-practice time: Write down a list of however many things you consider to be important, things that matter to you.

[10-minute recess...]

Chances are the volunteered participants of this great experiment will have an equal amount of similarities as they do differences. Self-love, trust, confidence, understanding, compassion, forgiveness, faith, family, or friends are some of my optimistic predictions for similarities while electronics, clothing, transportation and things-of-the-materialistic-like are my god-help-us-all predictions for differences.

Now, what you have written down (or contemplated)… do they really matter?

Although I am still in the process of learning their (hint: my) value and place, I like to think that I have a pretty good idea of what matters to me at this point in my life. After going through my-reality-of the ringer and being forced to step back to look at my life as a much bigger picture, I am certain that all of the bullshit I once considered to be important does not really matter like I had once thought.

I will leave you all with this… a thought that should raise some eyebrows in regard to my main point of this week’s jibberish: When you leave this miracle, this world, this physical existence… what can you bring with you?

If you’d like to discuss these perspective along with other health-related insights, please contact me for a FREE Conversation.

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The struggle for understanding

“The struggle for understanding is one of the most characteristic features of our species; that is why man is called Homo sapiens. The satisfaction of this urge is our destiny.”

I crave the concept of understanding; much due to my discovery and resulted blindness of my conditionings and mechanisms of what I believed to be “right.” My biggest downfall, if-you-will, was that belief…

“…the biggest of all blocks to improvement: the certainty of being right.”

I could only get so far in understanding myself because of what I believed in, and even that was ever-changing and ever-confusing… but I was just struggling to understand through my closed-off belief system.

It’s a crazy thing, this “being right,” because the word purely exists on an individualized basis. Right and wrong really don’t mean anything in the grand scheme of things. However, “being truthful” holds a more universal understanding. I think we all damn-well know what it means to tell the truthto be true to ourselves, and to be true to others, but do we always listen to or follow through with our truth? Is it possible that we may avoid our truth, our destiny, our path to universal understanding by replacing it with opinionated and personalized words such as right and wrong?

“Dislike of a word may merely stem from the inability to grasp the idea behind it.”

I’ll go further to say the dislike of a concept, a universal reality or truth, or of a self-responsibility may merely stem from the inability to grasp the idea behind it.

Let that sit a little…

A great step towards understanding is to figure out what you do not understand, whether it is about yourself, another, a situation, an experience, or an outcome, because what you do understand may not be true. Try to remove your filters, your beliefs, your personal opinions, your personal judgements, your personal assumptions, your own definitions of right and wrong, and intimately question or observe through universal eyes. Be open, be sensitive, be patient, and be truthful.

All quotes via Hans Seyle’s “The Stress of Life”

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Define: Death

We experience death on a daily basis: the set of the sun, the set of the moon, the wind ceasing, the exhale of a breath, the act of waking up, the act of falling asleep, the completion of a project, the passing of every second, any given experience of life that has come and gone.

  • Death brings an end to a beginning and it simultaneously creates a new beginning.
  • Death, when accepted, can allow for learning, growth, perspective, gratitude, appreciation, understanding, and responsibility.
  • Death, when denied, can breed hate, anger, resentment, dishonesty, irresponsibility, and blame.
  • Death is universal, inevitable, and necessary.

Death isn’t a bad thing, it isn’t anything to be scared of, and it isn’t a reason to avoid experiences. To take perspective on death isn’t simply a matter of not being afraid of the concept… it’s knowing what you are afraid of and why.

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Live and let die

“If this ever changing world in which we live in makes you give and cry, say live and let die.” (Paul McCartney)

Live.

Take it in. Experience it. Feel it. Understand it. Show it appreciation. Learn from it.

And let it die.

Let go of the past to live the present. Move onto the next experience in life on your own time, on your own terms, at your own pace, at your level of understanding. Use every experience to better experience the next. Constantly grow and evolve into the person you want to be.

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Comparing self to others

Do we benefit or lose when we compare ourselves to others? Is it good to compare to get a better sense of self or does that act simply push us further away from self [and others]?

  • We compare what we are not… I’m not strong enough. I’m not smart enough. I’m not pretty enough. I’m not skinny enough. 
  • We compare what we don’t have… I don’t have a car. I don’t have an outlet. I don’t have a good job. I don’t have a significant other. I don’t have friends. I don’t have energy. 
  • We compare where we are not… I’m not as successful as my peers. I don’t have a place of my own. I am not where I predicted I’d be at this point in my life.
  • We compare our present to our past… Life was easier. I was healthier. I could run for miles. I could eat anything and not gain a pound. I was happier. Growing up sucks.

Any type of comparison is negative – it builds, defends, or hurts the Ego. You are not your Ego… the Ego is a part of you and it’s good to know when you are calling the shots and when your Ego takes charge. The Ego is a culmination of expectations, assumptions, judgements, predictions, and shameful events of the past. The Ego can protect us, but it can also blind us. Even those comparisons where we label ourselves above self and others – I am stronger, I am smarter, I am healthier, I am prettier – are all ego-boosting judgements and don’t really help anything in the long run. To think that you are better than someone else or better than your past self pushes you further away from a true reality – we are all equals and you are equal to your past self because it is a part of who you are, not who you aren’t.

  • Are you able to accept yourself the way that you are? If not, why?
  • Are you able to not judge, not assume, not expect, not predict, and not shame self or others? If not, why? Can you take note of when you do and why that occurs?
  • Are you able to be happy regardless of who, where, or what you are? If not, why?
  • How do you define happy? What makes you unhappy? What isn’t enough? What are you lacking? What are you comparing? Why are you comparing?

It’s good to take perspective on yourself and others. It’s good to know who, what, and where you are not, but that should not define who you are. We all grow, evolve, and mature at different rates, times, and ages. Don’t let your Ego prevent you or your perspective of others from being.

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Are you a dog?

Dogs are heavily influenced by their upbringing or external environment – they only know what they experience. If a dog is raised in a comforting and loving environment, then that dog knows love and seldom knows hate. If a dog is raised in a shaming and unloving environment, then that does knows hate and seldom knows love. A dog’s personality will follow suit with its experiences – understandings, knowledge, and reactions of those experiences. A dog cannot change its personality unless the environment allows for that to occur. I have experienced a dog that was adopted by a loving family after an early life full of abuse and neglect. The dog still yields personality traits of abuse (scared, skittish, timid, apprehensive), but it also has learned to develop traits of trust due to its current loving home.

The difference between dogs and humans…

  • We can choose to remove ourselves from our experiences – mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Our personality does not have to be defined by our person (you are whomever you choose to be).
  • We can choose to not let an external environment affect our internal environment.
  • We can choose love over hate in our minds and hearts despite what we physically and emotionally experience.

So, are you a dog?

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We assume that what we see is what is real

To try to change outward attitudes and behaviors does very little good in the long run if we fail to examine the basic paradigms from which those attitudes and behaviors flow. (p28)

Suppose you wanted to arrive at a specific location in central Chicago. A street map of the city would be a great help to you in reaching your destination. But suppose you were given the wrong map. Through a printing error, the map labeled “Chicago” was actually a map of Detroit. Can you imagine the frustration, the ineffectiveness of trying to reach your destination?

You might work on your behavior – you could try harder, be more diligent, double your speed. But your efforts would only succeed in getting you to the wrong place faster.

You might work on your attitude – you could think more positively. You still wouldn’t get to the right place, but perhaps you wouldn’t care. Your attitude would be so positive, you’d be happy where ever you were.

The point is, you’d still be lost. The fundamental problem has nothing to do with your behavior or your attitude. It has everything to do with having a wrong map.

If you have the right map of Chicago, then diligence becomes important, and when you encounter frustrating obstacles along the way, then attitude can make a real difference. But the first and most important requirement is the accuracy of a map.

Each of us has many, many maps in our head, which can be divided into two main categories: maps of the way things are, or realities, and maps of the way things should be, or values. We interpret everything we experience through these mental maps. We seldom question their accuracy; we’re usually even unaware that we have them. We simply assume that the way we see things is the way they really are or the way they should be. 

And our attitudes and behaviors grow out of those assumptions. The way we see things in the source of the way we think and the way we act. (p 23, 24)

Excerpts from Steven R. Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

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Sunday wrap-up

Missed any posts this week?

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Don’t ever say that you can’t

via

Can’t is temporary.

I’ve fallen victim to “can’t.” I’m sure we all have at some point. It’s hard to see the big picture when we limit ourselves to what was or what isn’t.

We must focus on what we can do as necessary steps towards what we truly desire. The man in the above video could not walk unassisted, he could not touch his feet, he could not fit into smaller clothes, he could not be happy with himself, he self-sabotaged with food and believed his limits were factual. His perspective shift didn’t happen over night, but he found a way to inspire and love himself through the inspiration and love of others. He focused on what he could do (or was capable of) in the present moment. He took small steps to better himself and to be happy with himself. He didn’t give himself a time limit. He didn’t place unrealistic expectations. I’m sure he experienced set backs and frustrations, but he focused on the big picture and not what he was temporarily experiencing.

Do not doubt yourself or others. Always give the benefit.

Believe and have faith in yourself. Believe and have faith in others.

We can truly do anything.

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