Tag Archives: death

Set fire to your old self

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Happy Monday!

Your personality is not set in stone. […] You can change what you want about yourself at any time. You see yourself as someone who can’t write or play an instrument, who gives in to temptation or makes bad decisions, but that’s really not you. It’s not ingrained. It’s not your personality. Your personality is something else, something deeper.

If it is useful to do so, you must abandon your identity and start again. Sometimes it’s the only way.

Set fire to your old self. It’s not needed here. It’s too busy shopping, gossiping about others, watching days go by, and asking why you haven’t gotten as far as you’d like. This old self will die and be forgotten by all but family, and replaced by someone who makes a difference.

Your new self is not like that. Your new self is the Great Chicago Fire — overwhelming, overpowering, and destroying everything that isn’t necessary.

Julien Smith, “The Flinch”

I came across this quote the other day on the Tumblr and I am sharing it with all of you today because this is exactamundo what I went through to discover my current renewed self. I mean, I wasn’t too busy shopping or gossiping about others, but I was sure watching the days go by and asking myself why the shit am I not where I want to be and how the heck can I get there? Actually, I had no clue where I wanted to be. I just knew that I wasn’t happy with myself at the time – with where I was or with how I was – and I needed to figure all of that out, so, I started at square one… Why am I me? I questioned abso-tu-ta-lutely everything. I wrote list after list… Why am I not happy? What influences me to be unhappy? What influences me internally to be unhappy? What influences me externally to be unhappy? How did I get here? Why did I get here? What influenced me to get here? What experiences throughout my childhood have molded me, for good or worse, to be who I am? Am I ready to take responsibility for myself? Am I ready to admit all of my faults and claim them as my own? What is the cause to all of my symptoms? How are my symptoms related?

I think what helped the most in my trials was the immense desire of just wanting to be happy, and wanting to be happy more than unhappy (because people can get stuck in negative land and develop a comfort in unhappiness. It’s easier to be unhappy because sometimes happiness requires change and change isn’t always easy, especially when you have to take responsibility for yourself). I vividly recall days that I would just repeat to myself, “I just want to be happy, I just want to be happy, I just fucking want to be happy,” but I didn’t know what made me happy or how that was even possible from where I stood at what seemed to be the bottom rung of a 100-story ladder. What I did know, however, was what made me unhappy and I realized that if I wanted to make any forward progress at all with myself, I needed to address that first and why that reality existed. My unhappiness weighed so much more on me than anything else and so in order to get that weight off my shoulders I had to suck it up, face my fears, face my demons, face my denials, face my conditionings, face my family, face my friends, face my career, face my passions, and face all of my responsibilities to myself, including the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual aspects of my life that were completely out of balance. The thing is, I confronted myself with everything first and last. I experience the world before the world experiences me and I had to take responsibility for everything that I was internally and externally. It wasn’t easy. I went through weeks where I felt that every day was one step forward and two steps backwards. But, I kept on trucking because the desire to find my happiness was the greatest realization I have ever come across in my (then) 26 years of life. “Without darkness, one cannot know light” is what I had to experience in order to appreciate a bliss that I have always dreamt of but never could place its reality in my life. I had to lose myself and hit rock freaking bottom before I could place a value on the importance and incredible feeling of finding myself and making my way to the top with all of the responsibility on my back.

Addressing my all-encompassing self was one thing. I had successfully managed to put my entire life to-date into perspective and was able to truly figure out why I am me (of course with plenty-o head room for new discoveries). Then came the biggest step: I had to change into who I wanted to be. I had to experience myself from birth to the present moment, I had to discover and understand that I wouldn’t be able to move on without letting go of who I was at the time, and so I set fire to my old self, leaving my old life in the dust so a new life could rise from the ashes. I forced myself to die. And I always feared death, so that was a huuuuuge thing to put into perspective and overcome for myself. I had to actually face and experience one of my biggest fears in order to move on. I had to die to live. It’s incredible.

If it is useful to do so, you must abandon your identity and start again. Sometimes it’s the only way.

I agree with the above statement in the context of myself and the path I needed to take. Not every needs to embark on such a drastic change, but I believe that it is useful to explore oneself, to explore the why’s and how’s to your current self, and to address any unhappiness that may exist. I support unhappiness because it is often a necessary starting point to bring about a change for the betterment of you.

I’m still me and, in the same breath, I’m not me at all. I am no one and someone at the same time. I am. I am not. I am and I am not. Neither I am nor I am not. It’s a really cool time in my life and I’m so grateful for all of the shit I stuck through to get me to my current self.

If you’re unhappy, don’t stop until you find it. That feeling, better yet the achievement of that feeling – knowing that YOU made this happen because of such a dedication to your happiness – is greater than words could ever speak.

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You only live once

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Happy Monday,

Cut to me standing in line at Starbucks some months ago with two teenagers gossiping back and forth just one spot ahead. As their turn neared, one of the girls turns to the food display and began eying up the baked goods while predicting aloud their caloric value. She eyed and described them in succession, reaching what seemed to be the most unhealthy, ball-parked its calories, decided to purchase that good, she then turned to her friend, cocked her head to the side and exclaimed “YOLO!” I shook my inner head at the time and have since retold that story to my friends because I think it’s pretty hilarious that I was able to experience that reality, but there’s definitely something more to it that decided to stick with me…

Fast forward to my recent weekend where I ran into an old friend where we happened to be at the same event to share the day with a mutual friend. After we had our fun, the group made its way to a crappy sports bar chain that will remain nameless, but I will say that there are chicken extremities involved. Sports bars aren’t really known as healthy havens. I say sports bar and I think wings, beer, burgers, and vegetable oil. This bar was no different and with menu options of a burger topped with mozzarella sticks and tomato sauce, well it just doesn’t get any more sloppier than this, folks. Now, I’ve always been known as somewhat of a health freak, nazi, stiff, and all around weirdo when it comes to eating food or my eating habits. I’ve come to be rather lax about it, but in my days of yesteryear I would have macguyvered some sort of “healthy” meal at an “unhealthy” establishment by pairing big green salads with grilled-this or from-the-storage-closet fruit with poached-that just so I could maintain my diet. My old friend still had the mentality that I lived and breathed like this, so after we sat down and looked at the menu he promptly asked if I am ok with the food options, am I still eating super healthy these days, yadda, yadda, yadda. I came back with, “I eat whatever. I just don’t care anymore. It’s more of a mental health approach for me because I spent too many days caring so much and being so unhappy all in the name of health.” His reaction was floored, but so excited to hear my personal breakthrough. My close friends, this one included, can relate to not making a big deal, not making such a fuss, and just living your life as best you can because in 2011 we lost a very important person in our lives to an accident. He immediately brought up our late-great friend, agreeing whole-heartedly with my approach to stop giving a shit about… well, stupid shit. At that moment everything kinda clicked for me to be like, “Yeah man, you’re doing it!.”

I’ve been practicing a “no diet diet” since September of 2012. One day I just had a perspective shift to stop giving such a shit about food and to take the necessary steps towards mental and emotional happiness; allowing for the physical to follow suit instead of the other way around. I can eat all of the healthy food in the world, but if my mind isn’t fully behind it, if I’m doing it because I think it’s better for me, or if eating turns into a chore then, my friends, I will get absolutely no where. And for a very long time I could not get close to where I wanted to be in terms of personal happiness because of this freaking food wrench I was throwing at myself on a daily basis. To show you where I’m at, I am not eating what I define as “unhealthy” food every day, but I’m certainly not limited myself when the opportunities present themselves to eat a few donuts for breakfast, to make an impromptu Wendy’s trip at 2am, to bathe myself in pizza, or to order a sloppy burger, fries, and a beer at some crap sports bar in the company of good friends.

“Suffering ends when we let go” is a quote that I just made up but I’m sure I came across something similar not too yonder ago that didn’t mean much until I was able to experience it for myself. Having said that, it’s time to bring back the YOLO girls at the beginning of this story. Perhaps they may have been just joking about it, but to some people, specifically me, that joke has been such a life-changing-for-the-better experience when it comes to eating and building a path towards my ultimate happiness. A lot of people poke fun at YOLO. A lot of people say it without much thought behind its meaning. I think it’s a damn good approach to living one’s life as the most fulfilling and most meaningful experience one could ever dream of… because we really do only live once in this body and for us to go through that experience unhappy WITH ANYTHING does not make one bit of sense to me at this point in my understanding.

You only live once. Do everything and anything that you desire. Make the absolute most of our experience on this earth.

jdperryhealth.com
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jdperryhealth@gmail.com

Live life like you’re gonna die

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Happy Monday,

Live life like you’re gonna die.

- Bill Shatner

Let’s face it, death scares me a little bit. It’s been a hard subject to bring up with myself for as long as I can remember. When I heard death referenced in jokes, in movies, in songs and I usually brushed off my personal discomfort by simply avoiding the things that encouraged said feelings. It’s rather easy to avoid, to not deal with and push off, important life experiences (a lot of people do it their whole lives and never take responsibility for themselves). Death is one of those topics that I decided to address with myself because I will continue to hurt myself if I don’t (that whole avoiding = suffering thing). So, I have been on a journey of putting death into perspective: What it means as a part of life’s, existence, the universe’s big pitcure, and not just the end of my life. But my separating death from a personal to an expanded level didn’t happen overnight nor did I even think that concept right off the bat.

I began this journey with, “Why am I afraid of death?” and “Why do I have that fear?” And from those starter-questions, I am currently at this…

  • Yep, fear is still not real.
  • Confront fears; they hold us back from experiencing more of life’s offerings.
  • Life is equally as mysterious as death.
  • Life sustains life. We live in a world where death happens every day for life to continue. If we were not the dominant on the food chain, we would have quite a different perspective on things.
  • We are an ant to a blue whale as a human is to our planet as our planet is to our sun as our sun is to our solar system as our solar system is to our universe.
  • The body is its own universe with things continually evolving, changing, moving, shifting, forming, creating… and dying. Hell, immune cells literally commit suicide by wraping around and killing infected cells, bacteria, or viruses for the sake of keeping the big picture alive. We have death occur within us every day so our lives continue.
  • Life is free-moving and flowing, much like water. Death is stiff and brittle, much like ice.
  • Every single choice that we make changes the universe.

I picked up some things about death and along came some thoughts about life, the act of living, and the universe; which is really what I’ve been after all along. To understand death, you have to understand life. To understand life, you have to understand what houses life. To understand yin, you have to understand yang. Ya with me? It’s been a cool little journey – a very eye-opening journey – to today’s perspectives. As I said earlier, it’s easy avoid and it’s not easy to confront, but confronting what you fear is such a pay-off in the big picture of my universe to then affect the rest of the universe (that’s good to keep in mind when embarking on anything physical or mental.)

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Define: Fear

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What are you afraid of? Make a list of everything you’re afraid of… and why. Go on. Do it before you read any further.

What do those fears represent in your life? What do those fear reflect and affect? What do those fear say about who you are? How do you act or react to your fears? Do your fears prevent you from making decisions or encourage round-about decisions?

Fears aren’t real. We make them up. They’re illusions of what we perceive to be reality. We blatantly know that fears are not real because there are people that experience and live through our personal fears each day – commitment, responsibility, public speaking, flying, sky-diving, cliff jumping, the ocean, the dark, sleeping alone, relationships, judgments, losing, etc. We attain fear through various life experiences and distance ourselves from those fears thinking that we are succeeding by removing the problem from our life. In a universal reality, the problem still exists within self, we’re just burying a part of self in hopes that it won’t show up later in life… but it always does, doesn’t it?

  • Fear is the presence of assumption, judgment, boundary, protection, separation, manipulation, shame, and weakness.
  • Fear is the absence of knowledge, confidence, comfort, familiarity, trust, stability, awareness, responsibility, and faith.

Fears are symptoms to a greater, deeper, and more meaningful cause. Those causes are found above as the presence and absence of fear. So, go back to your list of fears and see if you can dumb them down to their true cause – to the part of you that you are protecting, running away from, and not confronting.

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jdperryhealth@gmail.com

Define: Death

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We experience death on a daily basis: the set of the sun, the set of the moon, the wind ceasing, the exhale of a breath, the act of waking up, the act of falling asleep, the completion of a project, the passing of every second, any given experience of life that has come and gone.

  • Death brings an end to a beginning and it simultaneously creates a new beginning.
  • Death, when accepted, can allow for learning, growth, perspective, gratitude, appreciation, understanding, and responsibility.
  • Death, when denied, can breed hate, anger, resentment, dishonesty, irresponsibility, and blame.
  • Death is universal, inevitable, and necessary.

Death isn’t a bad thing, it isn’t anything to be scared of, and it isn’t a reason to avoid experiences. To take perspective on death isn’t simply a matter of not being afraid of the concept… it’s knowing what you are afraid of and why.

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Live and let die

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“If this ever changing world in which we live in makes you give and cry, say live and let die.” (Paul McCartney)

Live.

Take it in. Experience it. Feel it. Understand it. Show it appreciation. Learn from it.

And let it die.

Let go of the past to live the present. Move onto the next experience in life on your own time, on your own terms, at your own pace, at your level of understanding. Use every experience to better experience the next. Constantly grow and evolve into the person you want to be.

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Video: The Deliberate Dumbing Down of America

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(via)

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Purpose and passion

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To have a purpose in life.

To live with a purpose in life.

Both sounds similar but they are different when it comes to being or taking action, respectively.

We all have a purpose in this life – as I understand it, it is to be born, to live, to contribute, and to die. But do we all live with a purpose in life? That is an understanding of this purpose, an acceptance of this purpose, and a passion to fulfill this purpose through our chosen paths.

It’s fairly easy to contribute – to live a purpose. For example, we can buy groceries at the store (a contribution to the community’s farms), we can help our sibling with their math homework (a contribution our family’s education), we can recycle old newspapers (a contribution to the earth), or we can work as a bank teller (a contribution to society’s barter system). For perspective, are such tasks carried out with a purpose or for purpose? Do we buy groceries at the store to give back to the hand that feeds us or do we do it because it’s convenient or they have the lowest prices? Do we help our siblings with their homework because we want to better their educational experience or because our parents said so? Do we recycle old newspapers to reduce our “footprint” on the earth’s ecosystem or because we’ll be taxed if the government finds out that we aren’t recycling? And finally, do we work as bank tellers to truly give back to society what it gives us or is it just another paycheck so we can live day to day?

We can live with a purpose. Our paths are paved by ourselves. Yes, our family and friends help guide us throughout our journey but it is ultimately up to us of how we choose to live. When we decide to live for ourselves, to take responsibility for ourselves, and to discover who/what we are we then begin to develop a passion for our path and purpose. This can come at an early age of independence or later in life. It doesn’t matter how or when, it just matters that we find this passion at some point. Our paths are not always painted in gold and sometimes we need to get knocked around a few times for things to start making sense about our journey and how we’ve gotten here. We NEED those hard times to discover the easy times. We need the bad to understand how to obtain the good. What will help us get back up time and time again is that passion for living with a purpose.

I’m asking for a perspective shift. Rather than living just to live, how about we live with passion? If you don’t believe that you have passion or are in a place in your life that passion can’t exist – then perhaps change so it can exist. I don’t mean quitting your job, dropping out of school, or going on a spontaneous road trip (although sometimes these actions are called for), I mean you must give purpose to your life, your actions, your responsibilities, and truly appreciate the contribution that you (and only you!) have to offer yourself and society.

“We enter and leave this world in the same manner: We enter as a thought and leave as a memory.”

What kind of memory, contribution, footprint, mark, or example will be remembered of you? Better yet, what will you appreciate of yourself as you look back on yesterday?

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