Tag Archives: fear

Why do we fight?

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Fighting or arguing are outcomes of disagreements, misunderstanding, misinterpretations, assumptions, and judgments. Fighting doesn’t have to occur – ever. There’s no reason to fight, but it happens because… well… people think they’re right and they want to prove that out of a desire, habit, conditioning, or, perhaps, a lack of self. It’s obvious that no one is ever right because that’s just an opinion. Yes, I do believe that there are universals morals, values, trusts, and truths, but, at the same time, not everyone abides by them, is aware of them, nor defines them equally.

So, why do people have to prove anything? Why can’t we just give and take without a bias? That is, give an opinion and take another’s as merely a different opinion, perspective, understanding, or interpretation. It comes down to a personal desire to win. Think about it – winning is totally awesome and we’re taught from day one to not be losers. So, naturally, when it comes to a disagreement we tend to strive for an outcome that favors our opinions. But, do we really win? Does proving another wrong actually make us right?

Why not go for a win/win? Why not go into an argument with a win/win attitude – that no one is right or wrong, that all opinions will be said, heard, AND understood, and that if there still remains a disagreement in the end then a fair compromise or an agree-to-disagree solution should take place. The most important part in this is listening and understanding another person’s opinion or perspective. All-too-often we don’t listen to someone else talk or state their case because we’re too busy disagreeing, judging, assuming, and preparing a rebuttal in our own minds when they have the floor. To be heard and truly understood is one of the greatest feelings and approaches in a disagreement.

Try win/win. Try listening without bias. Try giving and taking equally. Try throwing out any rights or wrongs and understanding the situation for its universal truth. Try to talk peacefully without it resulting in anger, bitterness, or resentment.

 

If you’d like to discuss this perspective along with other health-related insights, please contact me for a FREE Conversation.

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Define: Fear

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What are you afraid of? Make a list of everything you’re afraid of… and why. Go on. Do it before you read any further.

What do those fears represent in your life? What do those fear reflect and affect? What do those fear say about who you are? How do you act or react to your fears? Do your fears prevent you from making decisions or encourage round-about decisions?

Fears aren’t real. We make them up. They’re illusions of what we perceive to be reality. We blatantly know that fears are not real because there are people that experience and live through our personal fears each day – commitment, responsibility, public speaking, flying, sky-diving, cliff jumping, the ocean, the dark, sleeping alone, relationships, judgments, losing, etc. We attain fear through various life experiences and distance ourselves from those fears thinking that we are succeeding by removing the problem from our life. In a universal reality, the problem still exists within self, we’re just burying a part of self in hopes that it won’t show up later in life… but it always does, doesn’t it?

  • Fear is the presence of assumption, judgment, boundary, protection, separation, manipulation, shame, and weakness.
  • Fear is the absence of knowledge, confidence, comfort, familiarity, trust, stability, awareness, responsibility, and faith.

Fears are symptoms to a greater, deeper, and more meaningful cause. Those causes are found above as the presence and absence of fear. So, go back to your list of fears and see if you can dumb them down to their true cause – to the part of you that you are protecting, running away from, and not confronting.

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Karma, as I understand it

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Karma will always come back to bite you in the ass if you give the opportunity to do so. That opportunity presents itself in a state of unawareness.

Awareness is the ability to be completely conscious, awake, present, responsible, and confident in your current decisions, trusting in whatever the future may bring. 

A lack of awareness, such as irresponsibility, unconsciousness, carelessness, or an emotional blockage, may lead to consequences that bring a change, fear, anxiety, depression, or “unpredictable” experiences.

I believe that predictions are decided the moment we are either aware or unaware of our present decisions and their future consequences (good or bad). The choice is purely up to us whether Karma exists in a good or bad state within our lives. Although some decisions/outcomes are out of our control (serving a greater purpose), the majority are well within our choice, our reasoning, our reaction, our responsibility to ourselves and others, our wants vs. our needs, our intuition vs. our ego, our past selves vs. our present selves.

Allow your decisions to predict your Karma by being aware, responsible, and confident in your present moment. Make every decision count now so that you don’t have to make up for them in the future. Subtle positive changes develop bigger positive results.

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Suffering

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Suffering or “pain” in a broad sense is an experience of unpleasantness and aversion associated with harm or threat of harm in an individual. Suffering is the basic element that makes up the negative valence of affective phenomena.

Let’s dissect this…

Aversion is the first word that jumps out at me and, ultimately, the only word that matters. We are so quick to deflect, hide, point fingers, or run away from the pain that causes our suffering. Why? Is it much easier to suffer from suffering or to suffer temporarily when we address our pain?

For example, a person who wants to lose weight can choose their path of suffering: long or short term. Long term: Contain, hide, run away, blame, or makes excuses for their suffering – never addressing the true cause of their pain within themselves and their past. Short term: Admit, accept, and forgive themselves for their pain, and suffer temporarily through a battle of wants vs needs. Addressing the cause of the pain will create suffering, but we must take the perspective that the temporary pain is necessary in order to heal. This concept can be transposed to various types of suffering; the cause can be universal…

We all suffer for ourselves. We do not suffer for anyone or anything. Let that sit a little…

How we experience a situation can dictate if we suffer, when we suffer, how long we suffer, and how much we suffer because our reality (our experience) is what we perceive it to be.

We can suffer because we are suffering.

Suffering becomes a “problem” when we become comfortable in the chaos.

The difference will be perspective…

First one must admit that they are suffering.

Do you know why you suffer [for yourself]?

What is the cause of your suffering, not the symptoms?

What lessons can you learn from your suffering?

How do you react in situations that encourage your pain from within?

Do you take responsibility for yourself – how you experience and perceive reality?

Does fear play a factor? Why are we so afraid to overcome our fears?

Suffering is necessary - death brings rebirth. Often our suffering is our own way of saving ourselves from a greater pain that we are too vulnerable to confront when it occurs.

 

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Fear and its Consequences

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Fear is what holds us back. Fear from succeeding, fear from failing, and even fear (or shame) from fearing. We, as emotionally-driven humans, have the power to choose what we are afraid of and what we do about those fears. Our reality is what we choose – what we believe. We don’t have to be afraid of the dark, afraid of change, afraid of losing a loved one, afraid of failing, afraid of losing weight, but something that we have experienced about specific situations have lead us to a perspective of fear.

Fear is a perception of what we believe to be our reality. A child that’s afraid of the dark can be scared because of the reality that he/she perceives – the fear of the unknown combined with the fear of a creature character they experienced while watching a tv show. It is easy for a child to manifest this “reality” in their imagination and believe it to be true because they do not know otherwise… they only know what they experience. We tend to get caught in our fears and build them up to the point that we fear even the thought of overcoming it because it’s simply much easier to just be afraid. I can choose to be afraid or I can choose to stand up to my fears and achieve what I truly want.

Understanding and accepting the consequences of our choices is the first step in conquering our fears. Every choice has a consequence, whether it is “good” or “bad” is up to us of how we define those words based on our beliefs. However, we cannot choose how others perceive it because the definition of reality, right, or wrong is completely different from one person to the next (on top of how we perceive/assume other’s definitions to be). 

We must trust in ourselves, in our path, and in our beliefs. Fear can only exist if we choose for it to exist. Consequences will always be there, yet it is up to us to learn from those consequences for the betterment of our individual paths. On that note, I leave you with a story to help put this into action…

Me and the Hot Stove

My family went out and bought a stove. We never had a stove before so we were all so-excited! My mother has just cooked dinner on the new stove and warned me to not touch it because I’d get hurt – that it’s very hot. Well, jimminy crickets! Ok, I’m not touching that thing because getting hurt sucks so I’ll just avoid the situation all together. So, every day I play with my sweet fire truck by the stove and the thought of it just scares the crap out of me, but I keep on fire truckin’ and pretend it’s not there. Weeks go by and the thing is still there. I don’t know if it’s hot or cool – I just know that it’s there. I begin to play out all of these scenarios in my head of me touching the stove or it coming alive and eating me until one day I just freak out and start running – fire truck in hand, of course. I ran because a) that stove is freaking scary b) I can’t get burned if I’m not near the stove, right? and c) maybe running away will help me forget about it. I find myself running through a field at first. It’s pretty easy, nothing really to get in my way except a few prairie dogs. There’s a forest on the horizon, which could be dangerous but screw it, as long as there isn’t a stove in there I’ll be ok. I get to the forest and it’s just a mess – there are huge trees to dodge, big-ass bushes to run through, snakes to jump over, wolves to run away from, and tons of other wild things that I never experienced before while sitting on my kitchen floor playing with my sweet fire truck. It’s cool though – no hot stoves in here. So I’m running and running, and I keep looking back to make sure the hot stove didn’t magically grow legs and start chasing me. The problem is that I’m so focused on looking back that I forget to look forward to avoid all that crazy shit I just talked about. I run and run and run and then slam – I run right into this huge stove that is planted right in the middle of this forest and I just get burned – third degree burned. Luckily, the burns aren’t too, too bad that I can heal over time, but shit, that REALLY hurt. It immediately made me wonder if I had not run from the household-sized hot stove in the first place, confronted and overcome my fears, then would I have not gotten burned out here in the middle of no where with nothing to help me feel safe? You’re damn right! Now, I have to find my way out because I can’t just sit here and cry about my boo-boo with all of these hungry wolves around me. I have to find a way out and move on with what I learned from the situation – to confront my fears when they first appear rather than letting them build up to become bigger than I could ever imagine. I have gained strength from this situation, too, as I’m at a place in my life that I would have never imagined myself to be. The only way I’m going to get out is by believing in myself and to keep on (fire) truckin’. I obviously don’t know the “right” way out because I wasn’t paying attention to how I got here, but I just have to figure that out as I truck along. I’ll always have the scars on my skin and in the back of my mind to remind me of what NOT to do if the situation comes around again. I need to accept that fact that I got burned and just move on – not necessarily avoiding other future stoves, but to understand the perspective that the stove wasn’t really the problem in the first place.