Being provides advantage, nonbeing provides usefulness

Tao Te Ching - Chapter 11

Thirty spokes share a hub;
In its nothingness
Rests the carriage’s usefullness.
One burns clay to make a pot;
In its nonbeing
Rests the clay pot’s usefullness.
One cuts out doors and windows;
In its nonbeing
Rests the room’s usefullness.
Therefore, being provides the advantage;
Nonbeing provides the usefullness.


I don’t know about you, but when I first read these words I had to read it a few more times and just sit back in awe of how simple-yet-profound of a perspective it provides. I think it’s flipping awesome.

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The best advice ever given to me

You’ll figure it out, J.

I’ve heard this perspective plenty of times throughout the past 8 years of my life. While I was not always welcoming of this advice, I knew that these words were genuine and that they held a universal truth. You’ll figure it out was a reminder that no matter what I was going through at any given point in my life – trials, errors, hardships, pains, shames, blames, ups, downs, or confusions – that I will eventually figure it out.

The last time I heard these words from my friend was on August 2nd, 2011. I didn’t know that would truly be the last time I heard them from his mouth and with his genuine delivery because two months later my friend passed away in an accident. While I wish I still had him a phone call or a hang out away to ask for his advice through my ups and downs, I already know what he would tell me: You’ll figure it out, J.

No matter what happens – good or bad, right or wrong, healthy or sick, happy or sad, loved or unloved, accepted or un-accepted, understood or misunderstood, strong or weak, bulls-eye or complete miss – I’ll always figure it out. It may not happen in the most ideal time frame or in the most ideal experience or on the most ideal terms… but I’ll figure it out. I always have and I always will.

I have used this advice over the years to get me through the hardest of hard and the easiest of ease. Currently, this is where I’m at…

  • Love and accept myself and others
  • Forgive myself and others
  • Be happy with myself and others
  • Give myself and others the benefit – never the doubt
  • Have faith in myself and others
  • Have an open and honest heart with myself and others
  • Listen to my mind, heart, and body – they always know best
  • Have perspective when my Ego is calling the shots
  • Find a balance of Wants vs Needs
  • Do not judge, assume, or shame my battles or other’s battles
  • Do not place unrealistic expectations on myself or others
  • Do not provide myself with unnecessary boundaries or limitations
  • Surround myself with caring people who unconditionally support and understand me, and to not waste my efforts on those don’t
  • Take everything and everyone that I experience into perspective
  • Learn from everything – even if I don’t learn right away
  • Appreciate every single experience that I go through – good or bad
  • Be kind and easy on myself and others
  • I am always doing my best – that’s all I can ask of myself and others
  • Communication is the foundation of a good relationship with self and with others
  • Take responsibility for my actions and reactions
  • Never run away because it’ll only create more problems in the end
  • Fear is an illusion – I create all of my fears and fears create all of my dis-eases
  • Trust that what I give will be received in return
  • Try not to take myself so seriously
  • Have fun!
  • At the end of the day… I’ll figure it out

I share this story because I have faith that we all will figure it out. Some may figure it out quicker than others. Some may figure it out and have it fall through their hands only to figure it out again. Some may figure it out longer than others. Some may think they figured it out only to realize they have a lot more figuring out to do. Some may figure it out in different ways than others. Some may not think they need to figure it out only to experience quite the figure-it-out-wake-up-call. In the end, we all figure it out.

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The Secret to Life: How to Lose Weight, Gain Muscle, and Get Healthy Now!

The Secret to Life! How to Lose Weight, Gain Muscle, and Get Healthy now!

Here it is! The answer everyone is looking for: How to Get Healthy and Stay Healthy in three easy steps!

Sound too good to be true? It’s not!

No hype.
No bull.
No marketing campaign.
No diet or detox miracle.
You don’t have to take any pills.
You don’t have to take any drugs.
You don’t have to starve yourself for weeks.
You don’t have to go from one diet craze to the next.
You don’t have to drink protein shake after protein shake.
You don’t have to weigh your food or weigh yourself every day.
You don’t have to run miles upon miles and do sit up after sit up.

Want to know how the heck you can get healthy starting right now?

L. F. B.

  • Love yourself.
  • Forgive yourself.
  • Be happy with yourself.

L. F. B.

Why do we become sick in the first place?
Why do we become sad?
Why do we eat too much?
Why do we not eat enough?
Why do we go from diet to diet?
Why do we go from exercise to exercise?
Why do we burn the wick at both ends?
Why do we believe that a fit body means a healthy body?
Why, now more than ever, is the United States becoming so unhealthy despite all of the diets, studies, and supplements available that apparently promote health?
Why, no matter what we do, can we not seem to get healthy?

  • Health comes when we take responsibility for our lives, our choices, and how we experience life.
  • Health comes when we are aware of why we may be unhealthy.
  • Health comes when we understand what it means to be healthy by questioning everything and listening to hour body.
  • Health comes when we have respect for ourselves, our body, and the food that we choose to become part of our body – our life.
  • Health comes when we balance our life’s wants and needs.
  • Health comes when we let down our ego and open up our heart.
  • Health comes when we provide a healthy external environment to reflect our internal environment.
  • Health comes when we do not place unrealistic expectations upon ourselves, others, or our experiences.
  • Health comes when we forgive our past so we can be present in the now and work towards hour future.
  • Health comes when we stop self-sabotaging.
  • Health comes when we are not ashamed of who we are on the outside because we accept ourselves on the inside.
  • Health comes when we accept who we are, and how we came to be.
  • Health comes when we do not compare ourselves to others.
  • Health comes when we understand that we are doing our very best in every moment and that no moment is ever wrong nor a mistake.
  • Health comes when you Love yourself.
  • Health comes when you Forgive yourself.
  • Health comes when you Be happy with yourself.

L. F. B.

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Self-Destruction

  • Why do we self-destruct?
  • Why do we cause ourselves more pain?
  • Why do we run away, bury, or hide in chaos?
  • Why do we not take self-responsibility and trade it for self-negligence?
  • Why do we not realize the immense pain we are causing ourselves by creating more pain?
  • Why do we build walls between ourselves and our surroundings to feel more protected when it only creates loneliness and fear?
  • Why do we turn to outer escapes to temporarily fill an inner void?
  • How did that void appear in the first place?

 What is necessary to be indestructible?

  • Self-responsibility
  • Self-awareness
  • Self-acceptance
  • Self-love
  • Self-trust
  • Self-fulfillment

Self-responsibility is important to understand why and how we experience life, but that responsibility can only come through awareness, acceptance, love, trust and fulfillment of self.

 1) Become aware of the cause – actions and reactions are symptoms

  • Take time to reflect on the possibility of self-unhappiness – Am I truly happy?
  • Take time to understand why self-unhappiness may exist – What makes me unhappy? 
  • Take time to revisit where and when self-unhappiness began – What are the first memories of my unhappiness – the root cause?
  • Take time to realize what are the symptoms of that cause – Actions, reactions, habits, personality, attitude, hurting, inflicting, neglecting, sabotaging, drowning, abandoning, excuses, avoiding, controlling, and selfishness to name a few.
  • Take time to see where that unhappiness has lead or built a path to present day – How did I get here?

2) Accept [and be grateful for] the past because it has shaped the present

  • Appreciate taking the time to reflect, understand, revisit, realize, and see the root cause – this is not always an easy first step.
  • Appreciate good and bad past experiences because today’s world would not exist without yesterday’s construction and destruction.
  • Appreciate the bad so it can be learned from and turned into good.
  • Appreciate all flaws, mistakes, imperfections, actions, reactions, judgements, assumptions, pains, shames, walls, and escapes as a part of self – I didn’t know any other way (this is all I knew how to do) and I did the best that I could at that time.

3) Unconditionally love self as a perfect culmination of the past and a desire of future

  • Forgiveness of self and others is an important step towards self-love
  • Love self of the past to love self of the present to be self of the future
  • Life is perfect because it occurs as it is intended - I am perfect.
  • Love can only be found within self. - An outside acceptance of love will come when an inside acceptance of love exists.
  • Give what is willing to be received. Receive what is willing to be given. – Karma.

4) Trust in self

  • Be open and honest with self.
  • Trust in self-love – My love is enough.
  • Trust that exists on the inside will attract trust that exists on the outside.
  • Trust and love in self are necessary to find trust and love in others.

5) Fulfill self – The effect of the cause

  • Awareness, Acceptance, Unconditional Love and Trust are the foundation of Self-fulfillment.
  • Self-happiness will come when it exists within.

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Wants vs Needs: Happiness

What do you Want to be happy?

What do you Need to be happy?

Our Wants can only come from outside ourselves.

Our Needs can only come from within ourselves.

No one ever Needs a big house, an expensive car, chic clothing, etc. Sure, they’re nice to have, but are they truly fulfilling? Do you Need them to actually be happy or are they a result of a Want?

According to the 2009 HPI (Happy Planet Index), the United States was ranked 114 of 143 polled countries in terms of Subjective Life Satisfaction, Life Expectancy, and Ecological Footprint. Many countries that are smaller, less wealthy, and had less financial opportunities than the US had much higher rates of happiness! So where does that happiness stem from?

Happiness begins and ends with “i” – the i’s ability to fulfill i’s Needs.

Be happy with self. Be happy within self. Love self.

A happiness [and love] with and of others will develop naturally when self happiness exists. 

Consider this perspective for self and for others. We are all doing our best.

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Question: Healing the past and regrets?

Do you have any advice for moving past something you regret? This situation is so stupid, but despite knowing for years that I can do nothing to change it, I still fret over it.

Perspective:

No situation is ever “stupid” (“wrong” or a “mistake”). That is your judgment and opinion of yourself – be kind! It’s easy to get caught up in self-shame because it makes the “pain” seem less bearable (“I’ll put myself down so no one else will”), but you are only creating more pain in the end. It’s Ok – this is a part of the learning, growing, and healing process.

Whatever the situation or moment in the past, at that time you did the very best that you could and it was exactly what you “wanted.” Obviously, you have grown emotionally and mentally since that occurrence and now you have the perspective, “if I could do it over again, I’d do it better.” What’s wrong with that? I think it is better to realize that you could have done things differently rather than being completely unaware of how you came to be. Appreciate self for reflecting on the past and understanding that you have grown. It’s not easy to revisit regrets, but it is a step towards self-awareness and self-discovery.

If the situation involved others, consider that they, too, did the very best that they could and may have a different way of acting/reacting to an experience. Your experience of yourself is unique, your experience of someone else is unique, their experience of themselves is unique, and their experience of you is unique. It’s easy to get caught up in right and wrong when everyone has a different definition of those two ego-driven words. Also, just as you had certain reasons for your actions/reactions, so did that other person…

  • Appreciate them for being a part of your experience.
  • Appreciate them for providing an opportunity for self-growth and self-awareness.
  • Appreciate them for sharing a moment in your life.

Take responsibility for your past self and your past experiences. You can only “blame” yourself. Yes, another person may have had an influence on your situation, but you are the only one who determines how you react/act to an experience. By taking responsibility for your past you can allow an acceptance, a forgiveness, and an understanding of who you are today.

Take time to understand and forgive the situation – then and now. The longer the situation goes unaddressed (is run away from), the longer it will be a factor (influence present day). That’s not to say dwell on it, but it is important to take time, emotion, and effort to reflect on the past so you can move on in the present.

Write down your experience of the situation. Our thoughts and emotions are real, but it may help to make them physically real by putting a pen to paper…

  • What happened?
  • When did it happen?
  • How did I feel before it happened?
  • How did I feel when it happened?
  • How did I feel after it happened?
  • Why do I think it happened?
  • Why did I react or act the way that I did?
  • Was this situation a symptom/result of a larger personal issue/cause?
  • What is the root cause/issue of my reaction or action?
  • What were my assumptions and judgements of the situation then?
  • What are my assumptions and judgments of the situation now?
  • What is the true situation? Not just my truth.
  • What can I learn from my past experience?
  • How much does my past experience affect my present day? (thinking about it and/or running away from it)
  • Why does it affect me?
  • What will it take for me to be happy now?
  • Can I forgive others in the situation?
  • Can I forgive myself?
  • Can I appreciate and be thankful for my experience?

There is a progression in healing old wounds. Be open to that progression. Be open to your feelings, your thoughts, and your emotions. Take time and make an effort to understand why they exist. Take responsibility for yourself and only yourself. Forgive yourself and forgive others. Appreciate your experiences then and now because you wouldn’t be who you are today without them.

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How Do You See Yourself?

When you are facing someone that you love – looking at them as if you were looking in a mirror – what do you see? Do you see their flaws or their judgements? Do you experience their past pains or their burdens? – or – Do you see the love that you posses for them and what they mean to you? Do you experience the unconditional acceptance of their life and trails, and the positive feeling that you get when you are around them?

Chances are, most people will experience the latter when looking at another person for whom they care. Yet, we tend to experience the former when looking at ourselves. Why can’t we look into the mirror and experience for ourselves that same unconditional love when we look at others? Why do our outside looks often determine our inside feelings (when really that manifestation is the opposite)? Why does it matter how skinny, fat, muscular, tall or short we are; how our hair, eyes, or skin look; or how smart or “stupid” we may come off?

It is important to notice what we wish to better, and at the same time we must understand that those betterments will come with awareness, subtle efforts, and in due time. Life is a progression. We cannot push, force, expect, or limit self to be anything else, but self.

More importantly, we must accept self for who we are, how we came to be, and who we wish to be. An unconditional acceptance of self requires the understanding that you are perfect. Look in a mirror and see yourself through the “eyes” of your heart – not your ego, not your past, and not your pain.

We put material or physical perfection on a pedestal. We yearn for it, yet when we think we have achieved it, we only want more. Perhaps we spend a lifetime trying to be perfect and can never quite get there because of expectations (personal boundaries). It’s also possible that we try to be the opposite of perfect, when in reality, we are trying to be perfectly opposite. That type of outward perfection will never satisfy us and will actually drive us further away from our true self. In order to achieve what we truly need in this life – not what we want or what society, family, friends tells us what we want – we must find self love by going within.

But, what if you don’t think that you’re perfect? What if you don’t know how to accept or love yourself? I can only provide you with this perspective…

Are you happier, healthier, more understanding, more accepting, and more open when you do or do not love yourself?

Start loving. Start living. Start being who you’ve always wanted to be. Start looking in the mirror and see the lion inside of you.

“It takes a lifetime to achieve greatness, but it only takes one day to quit.”

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Video Clip: The Cure is U – Love

A clip from “The Cure is U” – Love (self love and its possibilities to heal)

Love is a feeling that doesn’t require another human at all. Love is a feeling that thee system – your biology – is taking whatever you’re looking at (your interpretation) and saying whatever that “thing” is, “that is so in harmony with me; that I will release the chemistry of harmony.” Love: What you’re feeling are the emotional chemicals that say, “what I am interpreting in this world around me is fully supportive and in harmony with the desires and wishes of my life.”

One of the most powerful tools – and not one that the mind would think of – is self love. Love is what is happening constantly. The question is to what degree am I allowing myself to participate in it. We’ve always associated feeling loved by being loved by something outside of ourselves, and when we do that we constantly set ourselves in a state of fear. “What happens if you stop loving me?” “What happens if I never find someone to love me?” “Well, no one ever did love me – parents didn’t love me, my family and siblings didn’t love me” – all kinds of absence of love has been existing. In the empowered state that you actually are – what do you think you were interested in when you came into this life and you landed in those kind of circumstance? You must have been interested in finding it in [the womb] and bringing it out in some way. When it wasn’t delivered or isn’t consistently delivered today, there’s a reason for that and when we begin embracing that perspective we being to access our empowerment.

If I am not extending love, I am projecting fear. It is as though we live in two parallel universes, and in a very real way you decide which universe you want to live in – the universe that is dominated by fear or the universe that is dominated by love. You choose the one dominated by love, your chances of physical healing are a whole lot increased.

So the more loving I can be with myself the more likely I am to access this heartspace, and it is in this heartspace that my intuitions, and my inspirations, and my gut feelings, and the wisdom that I have inherited from the ages come together. And in that heartspace is where we allow ourselves to access our unlimited power and our infinite possibility.

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Karma, as I understand it

Karma will always come back to bite you in the ass if you give the opportunity to do so. That opportunity presents itself in a state of unawareness.

Awareness is the ability to be completely conscious, awake, present, responsible, and confident in your current decisions, trusting in whatever the future may bring. 

A lack of awareness, such as irresponsibility, unconsciousness, carelessness, or an emotional blockage, may lead to consequences that bring a change, fear, anxiety, depression, or “unpredictable” experiences.

I believe that predictions are decided the moment we are either aware or unaware of our present decisions and their future consequences (good or bad). The choice is purely up to us whether Karma exists in a good or bad state within our lives. Although some decisions/outcomes are out of our control (serving a greater purpose), the majority are well within our choice, our reasoning, our reaction, our responsibility to ourselves and others, our wants vs. our needs, our intuition vs. our ego, our past selves vs. our present selves.

Allow your decisions to predict your Karma by being aware, responsible, and confident in your present moment. Make every decision count now so that you don’t have to make up for them in the future. Subtle positive changes develop bigger positive results.

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Define health

“If you don’t know where you’re going then you’re going no where.”

A game plan and goals are necessary to get from A to B in health and anything else in life. Writing down short term and long term goals will help motivate and put things into perspective; it makes the pursuit more of a reality. But before that happens we need to define who you are and how you can make your goals become accomplishments…

- How do you define health, and why?
- How much of an effort do you put towards health?
- Is health important or secondary?
- Are you mindful of your health?
- Do you “consider” yourself healthy or are you actually healthy?
- Do you walk the talk?
- Where does your health information come from?
- Are you a learn by doing or a do by learning sort of person?
- Are you happy?
- Do the things that make you happy momentarily really make you unhappy at the end of the day?
- Are you happy with yourself, and why?

And now goals… Write these down and make them a realistic reality. Set the bar high but not too high that it’s unimaginable…
- Daily
- Weekly
- Monthly
- Quarterly
- Semi-Annually
- Annually