Tag Archives: learn

I made it happen for myself

Posted on by
1

You, and only you, can make things happen for yourself. While there may be people that encourage or have an influence on your life, at the end of the day you are the only one who allows such encouragements or influences to have a positive or negative effect on your being.

It is only up to you to take everything that you can from every single situation. I know that sounds daunting and rather limiting (if you are trying, you are not experiencing), but what good does it really do for your being to go through a “same shit, different day” life, routine, or mentality? I often jokingly use that phrase to my peers whenever I’m asked, “What’s new?” because, in my reality, every single thing that I experience is new and ever-evolving, and most of those experiences are felt rather than spoken.

If you want things to happen you need to make them happen. Set goals and work towards them. You may not know how to reach those goals when you first set out, but every step, every experience, and every situation along the way offers some sort of possible insight, guidance, or interpretation as to how you can reach your goals (that is if you are open and unbiasedly experiencing). Experience everything that you can within reason because you never know what it may bring. Experience without boundaries, expectations, regrets, or judgements. Experience, learn, and then make it happen.

 

If you’d like to discuss this perspective along with other health-related insights, please contact me for a FREE Conversation.

jdperryhealth.com
jdperryhealth.tumblr.com
jdperryhealth@gmail.com

Were you ever taught how to listen?

Posted on by
1

We are taught how to learn. We are taught how to read. We are taught how to write. We are taught how to play. We are taught how to share. But are we taught how to listen? Are we ever really given an education or proper advice on how to listen to someone – to truly hear another person’s perspective, thoughts, beliefs, and understandings?

Understanding is a major component in listening. But I do not mean understanding from your own perspective. I mean to put yourself in their shoes, to see the situation from their point of view, to understand their experience and why they have that experience, to be involved in their side before you involve yourself in your side. We have a tendency to project and diagnose another’s situation without truly understanding their situation.

Take a moment to reflect on yourself: When you listen to someone are you really listening or are you relating, assuming, judging, projecting, and predicting based on your own experiences? Do you assume that since you’ve been through a similar situation or you have experienced the same circumstances that your approach holds water for the other person, too? Do you realize how arrogant that sounds? No two people experience the same situation equally or in the same manner nor do they take away the same thing. To project your experiences, understandings, or perspectives onto another person’s story, life, experience, or situation is not listening at all… it’s waiting to answer, waiting to be right, waiting to give your two cents on how you would do or not do things, and waiting to be heard as a form of selfishness.

True listening requires a detachment of yourself from the situation. It requires empathy (which is very different from sympathy). It requires openness. It requires vulnerability. It requires selflessness. It requires genuinity. It requires honesty. It requires an even exchange of trust – to comfort and feel comfortable. It requires the ability to first understand from another’s perspective before you understand and provide your own perspective.

Listening opens doors to relationships all-the-while building them through trust, honesty, openness, and understanding. When we listen to someone – when we truly listen and understand from their perspective – we are able to understand that person that much more and we are also able to understand the relationship that much more. This understanding helps build an emotional foundation. Every time you truly listen and understand one another you are laying the bricks to your foundation, your connection, and that is the most important part in any relationship (with others AND with self).

What would you rather want… to be heard or to be understood? 

jdperryhealth.com
jdperryhealth.tumblr.com
jdperryhealth@gmail.com

Define: Fear

Posted on by
3

What are you afraid of? Make a list of everything you’re afraid of… and why. Go on. Do it before you read any further.

What do those fears represent in your life? What do those fear reflect and affect? What do those fear say about who you are? How do you act or react to your fears? Do your fears prevent you from making decisions or encourage round-about decisions?

Fears aren’t real. We make them up. They’re illusions of what we perceive to be reality. We blatantly know that fears are not real because there are people that experience and live through our personal fears each day – commitment, responsibility, public speaking, flying, sky-diving, cliff jumping, the ocean, the dark, sleeping alone, relationships, judgments, losing, etc. We attain fear through various life experiences and distance ourselves from those fears thinking that we are succeeding by removing the problem from our life. In a universal reality, the problem still exists within self, we’re just burying a part of self in hopes that it won’t show up later in life… but it always does, doesn’t it?

  • Fear is the presence of assumption, judgment, boundary, protection, separation, manipulation, shame, and weakness.
  • Fear is the absence of knowledge, confidence, comfort, familiarity, trust, stability, awareness, responsibility, and faith.

Fears are symptoms to a greater, deeper, and more meaningful cause. Those causes are found above as the presence and absence of fear. So, go back to your list of fears and see if you can dumb them down to their true cause – to the part of you that you are protecting, running away from, and not confronting.

jdperryhealth.com
jdperryhealth.tumblr.com
jdperryhealth@gmail.com

Define: Death

Posted on by
1

We experience death on a daily basis: the set of the sun, the set of the moon, the wind ceasing, the exhale of a breath, the act of waking up, the act of falling asleep, the completion of a project, the passing of every second, any given experience of life that has come and gone.

  • Death brings an end to a beginning and it simultaneously creates a new beginning.
  • Death, when accepted, can allow for learning, growth, perspective, gratitude, appreciation, understanding, and responsibility.
  • Death, when denied, can breed hate, anger, resentment, dishonesty, irresponsibility, and blame.
  • Death is universal, inevitable, and necessary.

Death isn’t a bad thing, it isn’t anything to be scared of, and it isn’t a reason to avoid experiences. To take perspective on death isn’t simply a matter of not being afraid of the concept… it’s knowing what you are afraid of and why.

jdperryhealth.com
jdperryhealth.tumblr.com
jdperryhealth@gmail.com

Live and let die

Posted on by
1

“If this ever changing world in which we live in makes you give and cry, say live and let die.” (Paul McCartney)

Live.

Take it in. Experience it. Feel it. Understand it. Show it appreciation. Learn from it.

And let it die.

Let go of the past to live the present. Move onto the next experience in life on your own time, on your own terms, at your own pace, at your level of understanding. Use every experience to better experience the next. Constantly grow and evolve into the person you want to be.

jdperryhealth.com
jdperryhealth.tumblr.com
jdperryhealth@gmail.com

Are bad times not-so-bad after all?

Posted on by
1

Why are bad times bad? 

Why can’t we spin the bad times to actually be good – if not the best thing to happen to us?

We can learn a lot from the worst of the worst; the bad of the bad. Absolutely everything can prove to be a learning experience – an untapped perspective on life and on ourselves that we’ve never seen before. I understand that certain bad times aren’t ideal. For instance, I’ve recently dealt with the loss of a good friend and it’s certainly not an easy reality to grasp… but I have come to learn a great deal from the experience. I’ve learned a lot about a lot: how I experience myself, how I experience my loved ones, and how I experience life. Do I wish I came to this realization in a different manner? Of course, but the impact or gratitude may not have been as prominent.

I’m encouraging you to look at every bad experience as good, if not the best experiences of your life to date. Instead of asking “why did this happen to me?,” say “I experienced this through my personal definition of reality and I am going to take responsibility for my reality, my experience, my thoughts, my feelings, my actions, and my reactions, and I’m going to use that responsibility towards the betterment of myself. Nothing ever happens to me, only I decide how I let an experience affect or reflect upon me.”

We can’t always prevent bad times, but we can certainly view them in a different light so they’re not-so-bad after all.

jdperryhealth.com
jdperryhealth.tumblr.com
jdperryhealth@gmail.com

Sunday wrap-up

Posted on by
Reply

Missed any posts this week?

jdperryhealth.com
jdperryhealth.tumblr.com
jdperryhealth@gmail.com

Question: Healing the past and regrets?

Posted on by
3

Do you have any advice for moving past something you regret? This situation is so stupid, but despite knowing for years that I can do nothing to change it, I still fret over it.

Perspective:

No situation is ever “stupid” (“wrong” or a “mistake”). That is your judgment and opinion of yourself – be kind! It’s easy to get caught up in self-shame because it makes the “pain” seem less bearable (“I’ll put myself down so no one else will”), but you are only creating more pain in the end. It’s Ok – this is a part of the learning, growing, and healing process.

Whatever the situation or moment in the past, at that time you did the very best that you could and it was exactly what you “wanted.” Obviously, you have grown emotionally and mentally since that occurrence and now you have the perspective, “if I could do it over again, I’d do it better.” What’s wrong with that? I think it is better to realize that you could have done things differently rather than being completely unaware of how you came to be. Appreciate self for reflecting on the past and understanding that you have grown. It’s not easy to revisit regrets, but it is a step towards self-awareness and self-discovery.

If the situation involved others, consider that they, too, did the very best that they could and may have a different way of acting/reacting to an experience. Your experience of yourself is unique, your experience of someone else is unique, their experience of themselves is unique, and their experience of you is unique. It’s easy to get caught up in right and wrong when everyone has a different definition of those two ego-driven words. Also, just as you had certain reasons for your actions/reactions, so did that other person…

  • Appreciate them for being a part of your experience.
  • Appreciate them for providing an opportunity for self-growth and self-awareness.
  • Appreciate them for sharing a moment in your life.

Take responsibility for your past self and your past experiences. You can only “blame” yourself. Yes, another person may have had an influence on your situation, but you are the only one who determines how you react/act to an experience. By taking responsibility for your past you can allow an acceptance, a forgiveness, and an understanding of who you are today.

Take time to understand and forgive the situation – then and now. The longer the situation goes unaddressed (is run away from), the longer it will be a factor (influence present day). That’s not to say dwell on it, but it is important to take time, emotion, and effort to reflect on the past so you can move on in the present.

Write down your experience of the situation. Our thoughts and emotions are real, but it may help to make them physically real by putting a pen to paper…

  • What happened?
  • When did it happen?
  • How did I feel before it happened?
  • How did I feel when it happened?
  • How did I feel after it happened?
  • Why do I think it happened?
  • Why did I react or act the way that I did?
  • Was this situation a symptom/result of a larger personal issue/cause?
  • What is the root cause/issue of my reaction or action?
  • What were my assumptions and judgements of the situation then?
  • What are my assumptions and judgments of the situation now?
  • What is the true situation? Not just my truth.
  • What can I learn from my past experience?
  • How much does my past experience affect my present day? (thinking about it and/or running away from it)
  • Why does it affect me?
  • What will it take for me to be happy now?
  • Can I forgive others in the situation?
  • Can I forgive myself?
  • Can I appreciate and be thankful for my experience?

There is a progression in healing old wounds. Be open to that progression. Be open to your feelings, your thoughts, and your emotions. Take time and make an effort to understand why they exist. Take responsibility for yourself and only yourself. Forgive yourself and forgive others. Appreciate your experiences then and now because you wouldn’t be who you are today without them.

jdperryhealth.com
jdperryhealth.tumblr.com
jdperryhealth@gmail.com

Mistakes

Posted on by
Reply

To commit a mistake is not wrong – commit as many mistakes as possible because that is the way you will be learning more. But don’t commit the same mistakes again and again, because that makes you stupid. 

-Osho

While Osho is a bit blunt in his words, they hold some truth. But let’s throw out the word stupid. Let’s throw out the negative connotation of [continuous] mistakes. Are not we all on our own path? Are not we all learning at our own pace? Who’s to say that a continuous mistake is wrong when we learn the right in the end? In hindsight we can see where our path took a wrong turn, but can we argue that turn was necessary regardless of its time or the time it took to understand?

A perspective shift is in order for the word mistake and the action of making a mistake.

Why are mistakes considered wrong?
Why can’t we see within the moment that “wrongs” can actually turn into a future “right”?

Those very mistakes that we perceive to yield [temporary] failure can lead us to [eternal] success.

Everything that occurs is a culmination of perfection.
There are no wrongs. There are no mistakes.

With that mentality you don’t have to make a mistake ever again.
With that mentality you can only experience success.

jdperryhealth.com
jdperryhealth.tumblr.com
jdperryhealth@gmail.com