Comparing self to others

Do we benefit or lose when we compare ourselves to others? Is it good to compare to get a better sense of self or does that act simply push us further away from self [and others]?

  • We compare what we are not… I’m not strong enough. I’m not smart enough. I’m not pretty enough. I’m not skinny enough. 
  • We compare what we don’t have… I don’t have a car. I don’t have an outlet. I don’t have a good job. I don’t have a significant other. I don’t have friends. I don’t have energy. 
  • We compare where we are not… I’m not as successful as my peers. I don’t have a place of my own. I am not where I predicted I’d be at this point in my life.
  • We compare our present to our past… Life was easier. I was healthier. I could run for miles. I could eat anything and not gain a pound. I was happier. Growing up sucks.

Any type of comparison is negative – it builds, defends, or hurts the Ego. You are not your Ego… the Ego is a part of you and it’s good to know when you are calling the shots and when your Ego takes charge. The Ego is a culmination of expectations, assumptions, judgements, predictions, and shameful events of the past. The Ego can protect us, but it can also blind us. Even those comparisons where we label ourselves above self and others – I am stronger, I am smarter, I am healthier, I am prettier – are all ego-boosting judgements and don’t really help anything in the long run. To think that you are better than someone else or better than your past self pushes you further away from a true reality – we are all equals and you are equal to your past self because it is a part of who you are, not who you aren’t.

  • Are you able to accept yourself the way that you are? If not, why?
  • Are you able to not judge, not assume, not expect, not predict, and not shame self or others? If not, why? Can you take note of when you do and why that occurs?
  • Are you able to be happy regardless of who, where, or what you are? If not, why?
  • How do you define happy? What makes you unhappy? What isn’t enough? What are you lacking? What are you comparing? Why are you comparing?

It’s good to take perspective on yourself and others. It’s good to know who, what, and where you are not, but that should not define who you are. We all grow, evolve, and mature at different rates, times, and ages. Don’t let your Ego prevent you or your perspective of others from being.

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I want to be perfect

What is perfection?

Can we ever be perfect?

Why do some believe that they aren’t perfect?

Perfect is what you are right now.

Perfect is what you are experiencing right now.

Perfect is the culmination of everything that you are and were, that you experience and have experienced, that you think, feel, believe, do, don’t do, see, touch, smell, taste, hear, want, need, desire, shame, approve of, lust, love, or hate.

You pass a test? It is the perfect culmination of studying, attention, awareness, memory, dedication, drive, understanding, sleep, nutrition, and hydration.

You break your leg? It is the perfect culmination of force, stress, angle, timing, placement, environment, and weakness.

You think you are right? It is the perfect culmination of past experiences, beliefs, values, personal realities, perceptions, logic, communication, and understanding.

You end up being wrong? It is the perfect culmination past experiences, beliefs, values, personal realities, perceptions, logic, miscommunication, and misunderstanding.

Put yourself, what you have experienced, and what you continue to experience into perspective – understand what you define as perfect and why that definition exists.

Put the word perfect into perspective – it’s not a comparison to others, it’s a culmination of your being.

Instead of trying, wanting, wishing, or desiring to be perfect… just be.

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Define through experience

How can you define ease? By experiencing difficulty.

How can you define strength? By experiencing weakness.

How can you define success? By experiencing failure.

How can you define love? By experiencing loss.

How can you define happiness? By experiencing sadness.

How can you define patience? By experiencing impatience.

How can you define responsibility? By experiencing irresponsibility.

How can you define awareness? By experiencing unawareness.

How can you define comfort? By experience neglect.

How can you define acceptance? By experience shame.

How can you define heavy? By experiencing light.

How can you define white? By experiencing black.

How can you define high? By experiencing low.

How can you define rich? By experiencing poor.

How can you define full? By experiencing empty.

How can you define right? By experiencing wrong.

How can you define need? By experience want.

How can you define healthy? By experiencing unhealthy.

How can you define life? By experiencing death.

Written in Chinese, the word “Crisis” is composed of two characters.
One represents danger, and the other represents opportunity. (John F Kennedy)

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Change in one easy step

Want to change? Want to change for the better? Want to know if a desired change will be beneficial or detrimental?

Baby step

  • What is your greater goal?
  • What are the steps towards that greater goal?
  • Take one of those steps that seems realistic – that can be done on a daily-to-weekly basis
  • Incorporate that change into your life
  • Take note/write down how that change influences your mood, your personality/attitude, your relationship with self and others, your energy levels, your sleep patterns, your detoxification systems (skin, breath, sweat, bowel movements), and your overall health (as defined by you).
  • Maintain this change and keep a record of its progress or regress for at least 4-8 weeks. At the “end” point, define whether the change proves to help or hinder your life.
  • At this point you can incorporate another desired change into your life.

It’s possible to change quicker than 4-8 weeks. It’s possible to incorporate more than one change into your life at one time. It’s possible that this is too analytical of an approach. I offer this perspective as a perspective to those who want to change, to who say that they “can’t”, to who have an inner battle of wants vs. needs (last time I checked, we all have experienced these obstacles at one point in time).

Change is the only constant in our lives. Why not make it easier on yourself?

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Sunday Wrap Up June 3rd

Miss any posts this week?

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The Secret to Life: How to Lose Weight, Gain Muscle, and Get Healthy Now!

The Secret to Life! How to Lose Weight, Gain Muscle, and Get Healthy now!

Here it is! The answer everyone is looking for: How to Get Healthy and Stay Healthy in three easy steps!

Sound too good to be true? It’s not!

No hype.
No bull.
No marketing campaign.
No diet or detox miracle.
You don’t have to take any pills.
You don’t have to take any drugs.
You don’t have to starve yourself for weeks.
You don’t have to go from one diet craze to the next.
You don’t have to drink protein shake after protein shake.
You don’t have to weigh your food or weigh yourself every day.
You don’t have to run miles upon miles and do sit up after sit up.

Want to know how the heck you can get healthy starting right now?

L. F. B.

  • Love yourself.
  • Forgive yourself.
  • Be happy with yourself.

L. F. B.

Why do we become sick in the first place?
Why do we become sad?
Why do we eat too much?
Why do we not eat enough?
Why do we go from diet to diet?
Why do we go from exercise to exercise?
Why do we burn the wick at both ends?
Why do we believe that a fit body means a healthy body?
Why, now more than ever, is the United States becoming so unhealthy despite all of the diets, studies, and supplements available that apparently promote health?
Why, no matter what we do, can we not seem to get healthy?

  • Health comes when we take responsibility for our lives, our choices, and how we experience life.
  • Health comes when we are aware of why we may be unhealthy.
  • Health comes when we understand what it means to be healthy by questioning everything and listening to hour body.
  • Health comes when we have respect for ourselves, our body, and the food that we choose to become part of our body – our life.
  • Health comes when we balance our life’s wants and needs.
  • Health comes when we let down our ego and open up our heart.
  • Health comes when we provide a healthy external environment to reflect our internal environment.
  • Health comes when we do not place unrealistic expectations upon ourselves, others, or our experiences.
  • Health comes when we forgive our past so we can be present in the now and work towards hour future.
  • Health comes when we stop self-sabotaging.
  • Health comes when we are not ashamed of who we are on the outside because we accept ourselves on the inside.
  • Health comes when we accept who we are, and how we came to be.
  • Health comes when we do not compare ourselves to others.
  • Health comes when we understand that we are doing our very best in every moment and that no moment is ever wrong nor a mistake.
  • Health comes when you Love yourself.
  • Health comes when you Forgive yourself.
  • Health comes when you Be happy with yourself.

L. F. B.

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Question: Communication?

I received this question tonight (Thursday, the 26th) and since it seems like a time-is-of-the-essence situation, I decided to push back my other queued posts and give this Friday’s spotlight…

What would you do if you had a very irresponsible, self-centered roommate? One that does not take his/her part in chores and cleaning. It is almost the end of the semester and we have not spoken for quite a long time now, mostly because of this behavior. Is it too late to say something? I know I should’ve said something earlier, but you know, life happens and now we’re getting ready to leave.

Perspective:

Irresponsibility or self-ceneteredness are merely symptoms of a bigger cause… and those are only your experiences of your roommate – not the definition of your roommate. It is unfair of you to label your roommate just based on your experience of him/her without knowing his/her true self or personal battles. Yes, it is also unfair to you if they are being selfish and do not contribute to the understood equal partnership of living together, but consider that he/she may have a very good personal reason as to why they only seem to care about themselves, why they are introverted, or why they have placed barriers between themselves and the world around them.

What’s the true issue here?

Communication… or a lack thereof.

Communication is an important part of any relationship.

Communication can provide a continuous exchange of ideas, thoughts, feelings, emotions, wants, and needs – that exchange is positive. You will not always agree with one another, but the experience of talking will encourage you to understand one another and move forward to better the relationship.

Silence can encourage barriers, [unrealistic] expectations, assumptions, judgements, and can bring a negative energy to a relationship (or even a room).

You are experiencing a misunderstanding and the best way to understand one another is to talk. I don’t necessarily mean to talk about it, but to just… talk.

The chores are a symptom of a bigger cause of not talking to one another or misunderstanding one another.

  • Lead by example.
  • Create small talk.
  • Show him/her your trust, your openness, your friendliness, your forgiveness, and your acceptance by merely taking an interest in their life, sharing experiences of your own life, and encouraging them to be a part of yours.
  • Be friendly, not over-bearing.
  • Be patient, not pushy.
  • Be open, not expecting.
  • Trust that what you give you will receive in return.
  • Walls will never exist in a relationship if no one has a reason to build them.

After some time, if your roommate does not want to communicate nor involve themselves in genuine, open conversation then I would suggest that you move on with your efforts. It may be hard, but it’ll be for the best. Everyone is traveling along on their own path and on their own time doing the best that they can, and sometimes we just have to leave people to be and do things their way. We can only hope that those who are lost amongst their inner battles will come around to find themselves one day.

All that you can ask of yourself is that you do your best and that you are genuine.

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Me Time

Image

How many of you have me time?

How do you define me time?

I do not necessarily consider having me time by being alone or by myself, nor is it keeping my mind occupied with my computer, my cell phone, a book, or listening to music. There’s nothing wrong with these habits because I enjoy them, but they don’t allow any chance for me time

Me time as in getting to know me me time.

My past self would think it’s easier to be alone and occupied rather than being alone and having to deal with my thoughts (or what my thoughts manifest). A lot of people may exclaim Boredom! from sitting with themselves and not doing anything, but could it be that they’re just avoiding themselves or their reality? That it keeps them from being unoccupied?

Me Time is important to me because it breaks down the barrier of my physical self and my mental, emotional, and spiritual self. I spend 15-60 minutes a day to literally sit by myself all alone with my thoughts. I would address each one that came to my mind until they were all accounted for during the experience. By doing so I am able to go beyond my thoughts into a deeper part of myself that I had never experienced before – my non-thought. It may sound wild because it is wild. I focus on my breathing and just being. My mind isn’t racing, I don’t have worries or fears or questions… I just have me time.

This may be better known as meditation but for the sake of not scaring anyone off I like to refer to it as me time. I can accomplish a lot by essentially doing nothing at all. It allows me to recollect and center myself. It allows me to focus on me for once rather than focusing on what I’m thinking, doing, or not doing. I know there’s more to me than my body and my thoughts, and this allows me to find that part of myself that I’ve been searching for my whole life – I just never knew what it was or where to find it.

I’m still learning and building my me time path, but I will say and encourage that a little me time each day goes a long way.

 

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Question: Static or Dynamic Stretching?

Static or dynamic… that IS the question!

I believe there is a time and place for both. Stretching holds the key to the structural foundation of the body. Without a proper and mobile support system, then what good is having a body than cannot experience a full range of motion? The muscles are like rubber bands. When they’re “cold,” they tend to tighten and seize.  Dynamic stretching “warms up” the muscles by increasing blood flow and energy throughout the body. Static stretching elongates the muscles to ensure full range of motion.

First, dynamic stretch to “get loose” and follow that up with static stretches – 5 second holds, rest for 1 second and then go “deeper” with another 5 second hold – continue until desired elasticity. After a work out the muscles will be warmed up that much more and allow for deeper static stretches and increased flexibility.

There’s a lot to be learned from the Chinese and their view of how energy flows through the body – it’s called “qi or “chi.” When emotional, mental, or physical roadblocks occur their effects tend to show as dis-eases or symptoms – Tight muscles happen to be one of those symptoms. You can stretch a muscle all day but if you have an emotional blockage, then perhaps you’re only treating the symptoms and not the cause.

Thanks for the Q!